Lovely Undertakings
by stripedheart
Summary: Marissa makes a bet with Seth and loses badly. But in a good way.
1. welcome to the night

**Chapter One: welcome to the night that could change your life**

Marissa twisted a strand of her dirty blonde hair around her finger and then let it loose, blowing it out of her face. She ran her fingers through her soft, freshly straightened locks and glanced at herself in the mirror. She stood up off the bed and leaned out of her bedroom door.

"Summer, are you ready yet?" She called, then turned around to find some shoes.

"Just a sec." Summer called from the bathroom down the hall. Marissa's bathroom was a complete wreck. They were getting ready to meet Ryan and Seth at the Bait Shop. "This is me and Cohen's first public appearance as a couple." Marissa rolled her eyes and slipped on a pair of flats.

"Your first appearance as a reunited couple." Marissa corrected Summer. Summer walked in grinning.

"I know, it's great." She stated. "Now you and Chino need to get back together and it'll really be great." Summer picked up her purse off Marissa's bed. Marissa sighed.

"Yeah, that's going to happen." She said sarcastically. "Plus, Lindsay?" Summer flicked her hand and started out the door.

"She's so not a problem. Ryan could do so much better. For instance, you." Marissa sighed again, following Summer out the door and down the stairs.

"Give it up Summer." Marissa said. "Me and Ryan are over. Go be happy with Seth." They walked out the front door and Marissa pulled out her keys to her white convertible. Summer shrugged.

"Well, if you're really over him, then okay. " Summer opened the door and slid into the passenger seat.

"Alright then." Marissa said, putting the keys in the ignition and starting the car.

"But you still like him." Summer said and Marissa didn't even bother to sigh again. She just turned up the music and pulled out of the driveway.

Alex walked next to Aaron, the Bait Shop's old manager, as he explained everything about the Bait Shop to her. She didn't need the briefing, but it made Aaron feel more comfortable that he was leaving the club in capable hands. Alex nodded to whatever he said, not really paying attention. She was trying to figure out whether or not she had paid the power bill to her new apartment. She couldn't remember to save her life. Finally, Aaron stopped walking and turned to face her, his face questioning. Alex got the feeling she had missed something.

"I said, do you think you can handle this?" He asked again, looking doubtful. Alex flashed him her most promising smile and reached out to shake his hand.

"I can do it." She said and he nodded.

"Well, there's a line outside and the club opens in-" He glanced down at his watch, "Ten minutes or so. Everything's set up so I'll leave you here." Aaron smiled at her and Alex returned it. He turned and walked toward the back door. Alex was just turning to go check on the bar when Jodie came running up.

"He's hot." Jodie said. "You doing him?" Alex gave her a look and Jodie laughed. "What? Just asking. Can I do him?" Alex grinned.

"You're such a whore." Alex said, walking toward the bar. She glanced over it and started toward the stage. Jodie shrugged.

"Well, can I?" She asked again and Alex laughed.

"I think you'd have to ask him." She said, walking backstage to the dressing room. It was buzzing back there. She poked her head into the dressing room. "You ready Alyssa?" she asked the young singer who was performing that night. "You're on in like half an hour." The girl nodded and Alex gave her a reassuring smile. She walked over to a table covered with food and Jodie grabbed a plate and started piling it with food.

"You know you forgot to pay the power bill." She said and Alex sighed._ I knew it._ She thought.

"I'll do it tomorrow." She said. She picked up a chip off the table and popped it into her mouth.

"Also, we have no food." Jodie reminded Alex. Alex gestured to the table.

"Help yourself." She said and started to the front of the club to open the doors.

Marissa stood near the front of the line to the Bait Shop with Ryan, Lindsay, Summer, and Seth. The club was going to open in a few minutes and they were having a kind of random discussion.

"There is no way you could drink five shots and walk from one side of the pier to the other in a straight line Seth. You pass out after one beer." Marissa said. Seth shook his head.

"I've been practicing." He said, his arm around Summer. "I bet I could even beat you." Marissa laughed out loud.

"Uh-huh." She said. "I bet thet you can't drink five shots of vodka and even walk in a straight line." Seth nodded.

"I take that bet. But if I can, you have to . . . " He trailed off and then caught sight of two girls making out behind the corner of a building. "Date a girl for three weeks." Marissa raised her eyebrows.

"Are you serious? Seth, I'm one hundred and three percent straight." Seth nodded his agreement, grinning, and Marissa finally nodded.

"Whatever, you're not going to be able to do it anyway." She said. Seth grinned even wider.

"Alright, everybody hear that?" He looked around to Ryan, Summer, and Lindsay and they all nodded. Marissa frowned. "It's a bet then."

"Wait, what if you can't do it?" She asked and Seth sighed.

"Dammit." He said under his breath.

"You have to date a guy for three weeks." Marissa said and Summer opened her mouth, then shook her head.

"Nope, not going to happen." Summer said. "He is _my_ boyfriend." Marissa crinkled her nose.

"Fine then." She paused for a minute, then said the first thing that came to her mind. "You have to go to the roof of the school dressed as Batman and sing the Batman theme song." Everyone laughed, including Seth.

"Fine." He agreed. "But I can do it." Marissa nodded.

"Uh-huh." She said.

Alex dropped her clipboard on her desk in her office. Her clipboard, her desk, her office. It felt good to own something, or some things. She ran her and over her blonde pony tail and looked into the mirror next to the door. _Okay _She thought. _Let's do this._ She walked out of her office and to the front doors.

"Alright everybody." She turned and called toward everyone else in the room. "It's time." She grinned openly and turned back to the doors. First, she peeked through the eye hole. Right outside was a group of high school kids. One blonde guy, one dark-haired, both of which were very cute. A brunette girl, a red-head, and one girl, who was standing farthest from the door, who had light brown hair.

Alex had a perfect view of the third girl. She was grinning at something that one of the guys had said and then she tilted her head back and laughed. Alex was momentarily paused by her beauty. And that didn't happen. Alex turned back to the rest of the workers, but her mind was still with the brunette. She gave them a quick smile and then opened the doors.

Marissa turned to the doors when they opened, but then looked back to Summer, who was telling her about some fashion show coming up. As they walked toward the doors Marissa listened to details about clothes, makeup, and models, which was all interesting, sure, but Marissa had already heard it all from her mom. And more than once.

When they walked into the Bait Shop Marissa glanced at the girl propping the front door open. The girl glanced up and Marissa caught her eye. They looked at each other for a minute and then the girl flashed Marissa a smile that light up her whole face. Marissa couldn't help but return it. She and Summer walked on, but Marissa's mind drifted. _If I had to date a girl, it'd be her. _Marissa thought.

**soo. . .what'd you think?**


	2. first impressions and first expressions

**thnx for all the reviews! here's chapter two. . .**

** Chapter Two: first impressions and first expressions**

Marissa slid into a booth and looked across the table to Seth.

"So, when's this bet?" She asked and he shrugged.

"A couple hours." He answered. Marissa raised an eyebrow and then got back out of the booth.

"Anyone want anything to drink?" She asked. Everyone shook their head. Marissa headed toward the bar and leaned against it. "Could I get a coke and rum?" She asked the bartender who was rushing around. The bartender paused for a minute.

"Look, I'll give you anything you want for free if you go in the back and give this to the blonde chick, goes by Alex." The bartender held out a piece of paper and gave Marissa a pleading look. Marissa put out a hand and took it. The bartender gave her a grateful smile. "Thank you so much." She said and rushed off. Usually Marissa would have quickly dismissed the question and just asked for her drink. But a blonde chick. . . it couldn't be that girl by the door, could it? Marissa started toward the door to the back when she saw Seth walk out of it.

"What were you doing back there?" Marissa asked suspiciously. Seth grinned sheepishly.

"Looking for the bathroom." He explained. Marissa didn't really buy his answer, but she kept going anyway. She pushed open the swinging door, almost hitting someone leaning to pick up some boxes by the door. The girl lost her balance completely and toppled to the ground. Marissa quickly leaned toward her.

"Are you alright?" She asked, looking into the other girl's eyes. They were light, clear blue and for a second Marissa completley forgot what she had asked the girl.

Alex sat on the floor, looking up into a pair of the most gorgeous eyes she had ever seen. They were light green, looked oddly familiar, and the owner of them had just asked Alex a question that she could not remember for the life of her.

"What?" Alex asked and the green-eyed girl just shrugged. Then Alex realized why this girl seemed familiar. She had been the one standing outside the door and the one who had smiled at Alex when she walked in.

"Nothing." The other girl said, offering Alex a hand that she gladly took.

Marissa put her hand out to the girl on the ground who was, after all, the girl she had smiled at when she had walked into the Bait Shop. The blonde girl took Marissa's hand and Marissa felt her fingers tingle. She slowly pulled the other girl up, wanting to hold onto her hand as long as she could.

Alex could feel herself get up, but all she was aware of was the brunette's hand grasping hers. Alex found herself not really wanting to get up. She finally made it to her feet and stood there across from the younger girl, her hand still grasping the brunette's. The other girl smiled, embarrassed, and slowly let go, letting her hand drop to her side.

"Thanks." Alex said, studying the other girl's face.

"You're Alex right?" The brunette asked and Alex nodded. "I'm Marissa." The younger girl, Marissa, flashed Alex a smile. "The bartender asked me to give this to you." She held out a folded piece of paper to Alex. Alex took it, her hand brushing Marissa's and setting off to many alarms to count.

"Thanks." Alex said. "She shouldn't have done that." Marissa shrugged.

"No problem." Marissa said, glancing around the room full of cases of drinks. "You're the manager?" Marissa asked and Alex nodded. "Are you new? I haven't seen you around."

"Yeah, I took over for Aaron." Alex explained. "Today's my first day." Alex found herself telling this random girl. The brunette nodded. Just then the doors opened and Ryan walked in.

"Marissa, I found you. Seth is running around telling everyone about the dare. Everyone's coming in an hour or so. Just warning you." Ryan said in that slow, calm way he had. Marissa nodded her thanks and Ryan looked at Alex, then back at Marissa and left.

"Boyfriend?" Alex asked after the doors closed behind him.

"Ex." Marissa stated. "I better-" She started to say, but the doors flew open a short dark haired chick came running in.

"Alex, some crazy dude is on top of the roof yelling about some dare. You better come get him off." The girl glanced over at Marissa, then turned and left.

"Friend?" Marissa asked, as Alex started toward the door.

"Ex." Alex explained. She paused at the door. "I'll see you around?" She asked and Marissa nodded mutely. Alex walked out, leaving Marissa in the storage by herself.


	3. building up to a falldown

**sry this took so long, but i wrote two chapters and was too distracted (ok, lazy) to put them up. but here they are now! enjoy. . .**

**Chapter Three: building up to a falldown**

Marissa pushed the swinging doors open and walked out in time to see Alex slip through the front doors. Marissa threaded her way through the club, finally making it to their table.

"Hey." Summer said, glancing up. She was sitting across from Lindsay awkwardly. "What happened to you?" She asked and Marissa shrugged.

"I was talking to somebody." Marissa said, slipping into the booth next to Summer.

"Ryan was looking for you." Summer said and Marissa nodded.

"He found me." She said. "What happened to Seth? I heard something about the roof." Summer waved her hand vaguely.

"He's being Cohen. Apparently he wants proof that he can drink more than you." Summer explained. "So he's inviting every person he can think of. And all the people he can't." Marissa rolled her eyes.

"He's gonna get the police down here." She said. "Can't you make him shut up?"

"Don't you think I haven't tried? But you gotta admit, Cohen on the roof. Pretty funny." Summer said. Marissa grinned.

"Yeah." She agreed. A shadow fell over the table and the three of them looked up to find Alex, Ryan, and Seth, who was being held by the bouncer, standing by their table.

"Here's your boyfriend." Alex said, glancing over at Seth, then looking at Summer. "He's actually kinda cute." She said.

"He's mine." Summer said, grabbing Seth's arm and pulling him into the booth next to her. A girl walked past their table and paused next to Alex, touching her arm softly.

"Hey baby." The girl said, then walked off. Alex sighed and looked over at Marissa, who had gotten out of the booth to make room for Seth and was now standing a foot or so away from Alex.

"That girl will not leave me alone." Alex said. Marissa smiled, not sure what to say to that. "Anyway." Alex turned back to the rest of the group. "Keep him off the roof. Or on a leash or something." She said and then she and the bouncer left. After she had gone, Ryan turned to Marissa.

"Isn't that the girl you were talking to in the back room?" He asked and Marissa nodded.

"She's the manager." Marissa explained, sitting down next to Seth. Ryan shot Lindsey a confused look. Like that explained why she was talking to her? But Marissa had already changed the subject.

Marissa slid back into the booth next to Seth. She ran her fingers through her hair and grinned. She flushed from dancing.

"That guy was hot." She said to Summer, who was sitting next to Seth. Then she turned to Seth. "So, you wanna do this bet now?" She asked, glancing over at the bar, which wasn't half as crowded. Seth grinned.

"Alright", he said sliding out of the booth after Marissa. "Hold on." He walked over to the bar and jumped on top, waving his arms over his head to get everyone's attention. Marissa rolled her eyes and sat back down next to Summer.

"I think he's already drunk." She said and Summer smiled. Marissa stood back up. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom." She said. "Later that'll probably be against the rules or something." She said sarcastically.

Marissa grabbed her purse and made her way through the crowd. But, when she got to the bathroom she went out the door next to it instead. She found herself behind the club, on the beach. She took a cigarette out of her purse and fished around for a lighter. She glanced up suddenly when she heard a slightly familiar voice.

"Need a light?" Alex asked, holding out her lighter.


	4. i see stars in your eyes

**Chapter Four: I see stars in your eyes, but maybe it's just the neon lights**

"Need a light?" Alex asked, holding out her lighter. Marissa grinned when she saw her.

"Thanks." Marissa eyed the other girl. "But couldn't you have come up with a less cliche way to say that?" Marissa added. Alex laughed and flicked the lighter. They stood only inches apart, Marissa's cigarette hanging over Alex's lighter. Marissa took a long drag of her cigarette and smiled at Alex.

"So what is the manager of the club doing out back?" She asked and Alex smiled back. Marissa felt a tingle in her stomach when the blonde directed her smile at her.

"Calming down." Alex answered, "Some chick keeps trying to stick her hand up my skirt. Plus, it's completely crazy in there." Marissa nodded in agreement, but her mind was stuck a few sentences back. Hand, skirt.

"Yeah, no thanks to Seth getting on top of the bar." Marissa said, looking out over the water. Waves crashed against the shoreline, but weren't visible from where they were standing. She couldn't help but bring her gaze back to the gorgeous older girl standing less than a foot away.

"He's on the bar now?" Alex asked, incredulous. Marissa glanced over at her.

A single tiny strand of purple hair had fallen to the side of Alex's face and Marissa had to resist an odd urge to tuck it behind Alex's ear. Marissa tore her gaze back toward the ocean.

"How long have you been out here?" Marissa asked. Alex smiled sheepishly.

"Ten minutes or so." She admitted. "Have you done that dare thing yet?" She asked. When Marissa shook her head, Alex crinkled her eyebrows.

"What _is _the dare?" She asked. Marissa looked over at her, half-smiling, and took another drag of her cigarette. Alex watched her light green eyes, which were reflecting the stars. Or possibly just the neon light behind them. They were gorgeous either way.

"We both have to do ten shots and whoever walks across the pier in a straighter line wins." Marissa told her. Alex smiled.

"I'd like to see Seth try that. What happens to the loser?" Alex asked.

"If Seth loses then he has to dress up like Batman and sing the theme song on top of the school." Marissa explained, smirking, and Alex laughed out loud.

"What if you lose?" Alex asked. Marissa rolled her eyes.

"Me? Lose?" She joked.

"No really. What's your half of the bet?" Alex asked. Marissa glanced away.

"I have to date a girl for three weeks." Marissa admitted, taking another drag of her cigarette, and Alex grinned.

"Ooh, scary for Ms. Straight." Alex teased Marissa.

"Yeah." Marissa said, more for herself than Alex. _I hope not. _Alex found herself thinking.

"Alright, I'll make you a deal." Alex offered. "If you do lose, I'll date you for three weeks. That way you won't have to worry about it." Marissa looked at the older girl. The words to agree were on the tip of her tongue, but something told her it was a bad idea.

"You'd do that? You don't even know me." Marissa said and Alex shrugged.

"Maybe I can get that crazy chick to stop following me around." Alex said and Marissa smiled. Alex couldn't figure out why she was offering to fake date this girl. Probably had something to do with how hot she was.

"Alright, it's a deal." Marissa agreed, and stuck out her hand to Alex. Alex took it and shook it slowly. Once again the two girls found their hands clasped. This time Alex was the first to let go. She nodded her head toward the door.

"You better go back in before they come looking for you." Alex said. _And find us like this._ Alex thought, though it wasn't as if they were doing anything wrong. Just talking. Marissa nodded and dropped her cigarette onto the ground, putting it out with the heel of her shoe. She turned toward the door and stopped, her hand on the knob.

"Are you coming?" She asked, looking back at Alex, who was looking right at her. Alex nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a second." Alex told her. Marissa turned the knob and stepped inside. A rush of noise met her. She could just barely see Seth on the bar, apparently dancing, if you could call it that. _Definitely wasted. _Marissa thought. She walked back to her booth and dropped her purse next to Summer.

"Well, go get drunk." Summer said, gesturing toward Cohen. Marissa raised her eyebrows and headed that way.

Outside, Alex leaned against the building and looked out over the water. She couldn't see much. She turned around and looked up, then flicked the switch to the light. She was plunged into instant darkness. She could hear the waves crash and the wind, but couldn't see anything. Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the dark and she could see the water.

Her mind flitted to a few minutes before. Marissa had stood only inches away and talked and smiled and Alex had really liked her. She was gorgeous, funny, nice. Alex smiled to herself. And straight, unfortunately. Alex turned and opened the door behind her. She didn't have a chance, at least that's what it looked like. But the way they had been talking said something completley different. And things aren't always what they look like. Alex couldn't help but hope that Marissa lost her bet.

Marissa looked up at Seth, standing on the bar.

"You ready?" She called and he looked down at her.

"Yeah." He called back and hopped down. "Ten shots of vodka!!!" He called to the bartender. She smiled, amused, and plunked two shot glasses down in front of them. Then, she pulled out two bottles of vodka. She flipped them up and poured Seth and Marissa two shots. Seth grinned, took his, and downed it, making a horrible face. Marissa grinned and then tossed hers back.

Alex opened the door to the bar and walked inside. She stood next to Emma, the bartender, and watched Marissa and Seth down shot after shot.

"Ten!" Seth yelled after his last shot and then shot of the stool. He aimed toward the front door, walking in a surprisingly straight line. Marissa pushed herself up off the stool and walked toward the door as well, but her walk was a little more swayed. Alex laughed and followed her out, along with half the club.

When they made it to the pier everyone cleared an area and Seth and Marissa grabbed a railing. They were only half drunk, because the vodka hadn't quite kicked in yet, but they were going to be very drunk later. Marissa raised her eyebrows to Seth and said something that Alex couldn't hear. Seth grinned and started across.

Marissa watched Seth walk slowly from one end of the pier to the other in a fairly straight line. She glanced out over the crowd and caught sight of Alex, who grinned at her, obviously amused. Marissa raised her eyebrows and started across the pier. She had a sudden traitorous thought, which she tried to push away, but her self-control was a little impaired, so it didn't really work. She looked back to the other side of the pier, which looked a long way away.


	5. was the girl worth it?

**Chapter Five: was the girl lying in your arms worth the hangover?**

Alex looked down at Marissa, who was lying on her couch, fast asleep. Alex sat down on the edge of the couch. The younger girl's hair was falling in her face and Alex reached out and brushed it away. Marissa's eyes were closed, her lashes long on her face, her chest rising and falling. Alex smiled. She glanced up when she heard the door to her office open. Ryan walked in quietly and looked down at Marissa.

"Is she still asleep?" He asked and Alex nodded. She looked over at the clock on the wall. 3:45 am. The club had closed forty five minutes ago, but Marissa had been on her couch for a couple of hours, after passing out in the middle of the pier. She didn't even make it to the other side.

"Should we take her home?" Ryan asked and Alex shrugged.

"She won't wake up for a while. Better just leave her for tonight. I'll stay." Alex offered. She looked down at the sleeping girl.

"Okay, I'll pick her up in the morning." Ryan told Alex. Alex looked up at him.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She said, subtly telling him to leave. He got the hint and left. Alex looked down at Marissa for a few more minutes, watching the other girl sleep. Finally, she took a blanket off the back of the couch and spread it over Marissa. She looked around the room, but the only other place to sleep was the hard office chair and the floor. Alex chose the chair.

Marissa opened her eyes to darkness. Her eyes adjusted to the night and she made out a couch, a desk, and someone sleeping in a chair. She peered into the darkness and finally made out Alex, the new Bait Shop manager. It didn't look like she was asleep.

"Alex?" Marissa whispered softly. Alex's head moved slightly. "You awake?" Alex's feet came off the desk.

"Hey." Alex said. "You're awake." Marissa nodded, then realized Alex probably couldn't see that.

"Yeah, where am I?" Marissa asked, looking around again. Being in a dark, empty room alone with Alex was making her a little nervous, but mainly and unexplainably horny. What happened to being straight?

"The Bait Shop office." Alex answered. "You passed out on the pier." Alex shifted in her hard chair.

"Yeah, I remember." Marissa paused, looking at the uncomfortable chair Alex was in. "Why are you sleeping there?" Alex shrugged.

"I didn't want you to stay here by yourself." Alex explained. "Not really any where else to sleep here." Marissa sat up slowly, leaning on one arm.

"Well, if I remember, Seth made it across the pier, which means he won the bet. So that means you're my girlfriend. You should sleep on the couch with me." She said. Alex was quiet for a moment, then she stood up.

"M'kay." She agreed and started toward the couch. "That chair was uncomfortable." Marissa was surprised. She hadn't actually expected Alex to take her up on it, but she didn't regret it. She scooted over toward the edge of the couch and Alex crawled in behind her, under the blanket. Marissa felt her breath catch when she felt Alex's warm body behind her.

She lay back down and could feel Alex's breath on her neck, giving her delicious goose bumps. Alex stretched out on the couch and Marissa felt Alex's body push slightly against hers. Marissa held her breath, her stomach dropping. After a few minutes they were quiet, but they both knew the other wasn't asleep. There was an awkward, sexually sparked tension between them.

Alex could feel Marissa next to her, and every part that touched her was on fire. She was lying on her side and her arms were wrapped around her waist awkwardly. Finally, she shifted and put her arm around Marissa's waist. She felt the younger girl tense and whispered to her.

"Sorry, there's no other way I can sleep with you next to me." She explained and felt Marissa relax slightly in her arms.

"Okay." Marissa said. She felt inexplicably safe in Alex's arms. She closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep. Behind her, Alex rested her cheek near Marissa's shoulder and fell asleep.

Sunlight filtered through the blinds into the office. It left stripes of light and dark on Marissa's face and warmed Alex's skin. She opened her eyes slowly and looked down at the girl in her arms, who was still asleep. Alex glanced up at the clock on the wall as she sat up and distangled herself from Marissa. Ten o'clock. Beside her Marissa rolled onto her back, the blanket falling to the floor.

"Morning." Marissa smiled up at the older girl. Alex grinned back. God, the other girl was even more gorgeous in the soft morning light, her green eyes gazing up at Alex. Alex couldn't take her eyes off of her.

"Hey. Sleep well?" Alex asked. Marissa nodded, yawning. Alex put her hands over her head and stretched. Marissa was entranced. She had never known stretching could be so sexy. Alex's whole body tightened and her shirt rode up just a bit, revealing a flat stomach. Marissa grinned and reached out to tickle Alex, who immediately pulled her arms back down and laughed, almost rolling on top of Marissa. Marissa got goosebumps from the feel of Alex's soft tan skin on her's. Neither one heard the office door open.

"Marissa?" Ryan asked and Marissa made an "oops" face to Alex and turned to grin at Ryan.

"Hey Ryan. Have you met my girlfriend, Alex?" Marissa asked, swinging her feet off the couch and onto the ground. Ryan's eyebrows raised.

"Girlfriend?" He asked, shocked. Marissa nodded.

"The bet?. . ." She asked and realization dawned on Ryan.

"Ohh-." He said. He smiled that odd smile that guys have when they find out two girls are dating. Like their minds are far, far away. And on something dirty. "Oh." Alex stood up off the couch.

"I have to go home." She said, mainly to herself. "And pay the power bill." Marissa stood up as well.

"Yeah, my mom is gonna freak." Marissa said, frowning.

"She thinks your at Summer's." Ryan injected.

"Good." Marissa was relieved. She turned to Alex, grabbed a sharpie, and scribbled something onto Alex's hand. "That's my cell." She explained.

"Call me." She grinned and winked and then left with Ryan. Alex stood there, her hand still out.


	6. a first date kind of thing

**i wrote all the way up to like ch9, but then i decided i wanted to go back and add more. so of these next to chapters don't really "mesh" w/ the rest, then you'll know why. i like 'em anyway.**

**Chapter Six: a first date kind of thing**

Alex fiddled with the piece of paper that she had scribbled Marissa's number on. She was hanging off the edge of her couch, upside down, the piece of paper held before her face. Debating whether or not to call the other girl. It had been a few days since that Saturday and Alex had thought about Marissa a lot, which had surprised her. She really liked Marissa. She also really had no idea if she was straight or not. _Only one way to find out._ She thought and sat up, grabbing the phone from its holder. She dialed Marissa's number by heart, having stared at it for almost an hour now. It rang a couple times and when Marissa said hello, Alex paused.

"Hey, its Alex." She wasn't sure how Marissa would react.

"Hey! I was just thi-" Marissa cut off that sentence in the middle of it. She didn't want to freak Alex out. " Um, what's up?" Alex smiled to herself.

"Nothing. You wanna go do something?" She stood up and wandered over to her window, playing with the blinds. What was it about the other girl that made her nervous?

"Actually, I'm going to this party with Summer. But you wanna come with us? It'll just be a boring water polo thing with-" Alex cut her off.

"Sure, I'd love to go."

"Really? Great. So, we'll come pick you up in like thirty minutes."

"Ok. I live on the numbered streets, the one with the jeep outside."

"Alright, I'll see you in a little while." Marissa said, not really believing that this was happening. Was she going on an actual date-thing with Alex?

"Ok." Alex said, smiling to herself.

"Bye."

"Bye." Marissa hung up and sat down on her bed. She had been thinking about Alex for a few days now and had completley worked herself into a mess. The emotions she felt for the other girl were confusing. They were enjoyable, which was confusing in itself, but they also had a way of taking over Marissa's mind. She could be thinking about something completley unrelated and a thought of Alex would creep up and Marissa would be distracted from what she was doing.

It was a crush, she knew it, but she didn't understand how she had managed to get one on a girl. She was starting not to care. After she had obsessed over it for a while, it started to become normal. She accepted it. But she didn't know if she would act on it. The doorbell rang downstairs and Marissa heard the door open.

"Coop, you coming?" Summer yelled from downstairs.

"Yeah, just a sec!" Marissa called back. She grabbed her purse and headed downstairs.

Alex heard a car horn beep outside and she took a deep breath. She ran her fingers through her hair and opened the door. Outside was a dark red Mustang, the window rolled down. Marissa was driving, and she smiled when she saw Alex. It was this uncontrollable smile that just came over her face. Alex greeted her with an identical one.

"Hey!" Marissa opened the door, got out and pulled the seat up. Alex climbed in. "The party's down at the beach, so that's where we're going." Alex nodded.

"K." She leaned back against the leather and saw Marissa look back at her in the rearview mirror. Alex met her eyes for a second, and offered her a smile. Marissa smiled back, embarrassed to be caught looking. She glanced away and shifted gears.

"Hey Alex." Summer glanced back at her. "So how many drunk guys have ended up on your roof this week?"

"Oh, you know, the usual. Six or seven." Alex smiled. Summer smiled back.

"I would apologize for him, but I've learned that I have no control over him whatsoever." Summer admitted. Marissa turned on the radio and they pulled off onto the main road.

The house was small but gorgeous, brightly light, flowers all around. Alex walked up to Marissa and looked over at her. They were waiting while Summer called Seth to try and get him down there. He was spouting excuses involving water polo and kegs and Marissa and Alex had given her some privacy after she had threatened a rage blackout. They didn't want to be any where near that.

"Will she really...rage blackout on us?" Alex asked, eyebrow raised. Marissa smiled.

"God knows. She will rage blackout though. I've seen it. Not a fun thing." Alex laughed. "So how's stuff at the Bait Shop?" Alex shrugged.

"Its good. We've been trying to book Spoon for next month."

"Really! I love Spoon. Oh my god, you have to get them. And you have to get me tickets." Marissa said, excited. Alex grinned and hopped up on Marissa's Mustang.

"Of course. I can't wait. Spoon is one of my favorite bands."

"Mine too. Except for like Rooney or the Clash or the Darkness."

"Yeah, I love all of them. And Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Godsmack."

"God, going a little hard rock on me." Marissa teased, smiling. Alex smiled back, meeting her eyes.

"Ok, what about the Format, Five Times August, Jack's Mannequin, and the Low Millions?"

"I love all of them. Ok, all-time favorite punk rock band." Marissa asked, looking straight at Alex like this was the most important question she would ever ask her. Alex smiled softly. God, she was falling for this girl. Alex leaned forward, raising an eyebrow.

"The Clash." She answered with the same seriousness as Marissa. Marissa grinned.

"Right answer." She said and then paused for a long while. Alex waited for her to speak first, sensing it was something important. She was right. "So, is this like a first date thing in our whole fake dating scene?" She asked seriously, glancing up at the blonde. Alex shrugged.

"I don't know." Alex paused, thinking over what she wanted to say next. "Do you want it to be?" She asked, catching Marissa's eye. Marissa tried to look nonchalant.

"Sure, ok." She smiled quickly, her hand lying near Alex's, nervously scratching at a mark on the car. Alex smiled.

"Ok."


	7. thoughts that you always thought

**_xela-assiram_, the beginning of this update is for you. it wasn't there originally, but i figured, hey, why not? **

**enjoy...**

**Chapter Seven: thoughts that you always thought would make things simpler**

The car door opened and Alex and Marissa glanced back to see Summer step from the car. She angrily shoved her phone back into her purse and stalked past them.

"He's not coming." She said over her shoulder. _Obviously._ Alex thought. Summer continued toward the party. Marissa glanced up at Alex, rasing her eyebrows. Alex laughed and hopped down off the Mustang. She tilted her head a little bit, smiling at Marissa who was still leaning against the car.

"Come on." Alex said. Alex offered the brunette her hand, smiling softly. Marissa smiled back. She looked down at Alex's soft hand, nails chipped and black. Marissa reached out and took her hand, letting herself be pulled up by the blonde. They started toward the party. Slowly, unsure, Marissa intertwined her fingers with Alex's. Alex looked over at the other girl and couldn't wipe the smile off her face. Marissa didn't look at her, only blushed slightly and swung their hands. Both girls had permanent butterflies in their stomachs, caused by the simple touch of their hands on each other's. They grinned.

Alex was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, sipping a beer and talking to this guy about surfing. Surprisingly, not all of the people at the party were jocks and cheerleaders. There were a bunch who reminded her of Marissa and a few who reminded her of herself. Not enough to make the party great, but enough to make it slightly enjoyable.

"Ok, so I was in the middle of this set and the third wave was gorgeous. I mean, legendary. And I'm about to ride it, I could feel it , it was totally going to be this perfect drop and then this asshole of a guy who was, like, way..." Alex was trying to pay attention, really, but she was actually scanning the crowd for Marissa. The guy's voice drifted into the back of her mind. Alex had spent the first hour or so with Marissa, practically attached at the hip, and then they had drifted apart. She kind of missed having her near. Alex snapped back to the conversation when the guy slapped his hands together, demonstrating some sort of wipeout.

"That sucks. I hate it when that happens." Alex leaned back on her hands, looking over at the guy. "There was this one time-" She was cut off when Marissa walked up.

"Hey, um..." Marissa looked over at the guy. "I'll talk to you later, ok?" She smiled, a little fakely, and turned and left. Alex frowned.

"Hey, I've got to go, I'll catch you later, ok?" The guy nodded. Alex hopped off the bar and followed Marissa out of the house and onto the beach. The waves were crashing and it reminded Alex of the last time they had been together on a beach. "Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing." Marissa stopped in front of a bonfire. "Me and Summer were going to go get something to eat, but I didn't want to interrupt whatever you were doing with that guy." Marissa said. She could hear the tones of jealousy in her own voice and she tried to hide them. Alex tilted her head, studying Marissa's face. She smiled a little.

"We were talking about surfing." She said, amused at Marissa's jealousy. She thought it was adorable. Do straight girls get jealous over other girls?

"Ok, whatever, its fine. So, are you coming with us?" She asked, glancing over at Alex, who was eyeing her carefully.

"Yeah, sure."

"Great." Marissa started to walk away, but Alex grabbed her wrist. The touch sent goosebumps up Marissa's arm. Marissa turned to Alex, but the blonde didn't let go.

"Marissa, I was just talking to him."

"Yeah, I know, why should I care?" Marissa said, mostly to herself. _Why _should _I care? _She thought. She could feel Alex's hand on her wrist like a brand, the rest of her skin feeling cool in comparison. Alex studied her face for a second, Marissa not meeting her eyes.

"Ok." Alex let go of Marissa's wrist. The walked back to the car.

Summer was driving this time, weaving in and out of streets like she actually knew what she was doing. The truth was, she didn't know how to shift gears so she had to stay in third and couldn't slow down. Marissa was too busy trying to ignore Alex to help Summer.They finally reached the diner without dying and Marissa automatically shifted down for Summer. Summer sighed, relieved. They climbed out of the car and walked through the clear glass door into the brightly lit diner.

"This is where we eat." Summer told Alex. They started toward a table and a guy with at least seven piercings winked at Marissa. He had on more eyeliner than Alex. Marissa leaned close to Alex. Apparently she had forgiven her for the thing with the guy. Not that she had anything to forgive.

"That guy has had a crush on me for ages. He totally freaks me out." She whispered into Alex's ear, her hot breath giving the blonde goosebumps. Alex nodded, unable to do anything else. Marissa pulled away and instantly missed the heat that Alex had been giving off. They slid into a booth and a waitress dropped off some menus and left. They had just started looking when Summer's phone rang.

"Hello? No, I'm at the diner with some friends...She did what?...Yeah, ok, I'll be there...Love you too." She snapped the phone shut and sighed. "My step-monster overdosed on painkillers and she went to the hospital. Dad says I have to go to the hosiptal. Have fun though!." She slid out of the booth. "He's picking me up on his way, he's close." She called over her shoulder. "Have fun!" The last sentence was more of a threat. Marissa looked at Alex, who was looking down at the menu. She watched her for a minute, then forced her gaze down to her menu.

"What are you getting?" Alex asked, looking up. Marissa met her eyes and couldn't say anything for a minute. To be thinking hard about someone and then have that someone pull you from those thoughts, it was kind of jolting. Finally, she sort of shook her head and looked down at her menu.

"Uh, I don't know. Fries, maybe." Alex let her gaze rest on the other girl, wondering what that whole staring thing had been about. She smiled a little, then looked back down as well.

It was dark outside, the stars faded in the sky, the moon hanging over everything. Marissa was driving Alex home from the diner. They had stayed there for almost two hours, talking. Staring. Sometimes, Marissa couldn't seem to take her eyes off the gorgeous girl sitting across from her. Marissa slipped a mixed CD into the CD player and a new song started. It was almost two in the morning. Soft classical music started and Alex glanced over at Marissa.

"Ok, what is this?" She asked. Marissa smiled.

"Just wait, it gets better." She said. She turned it up, blaring the violins from the speakers. Alex raised an eyebrow.

_**if you're feeling like a pimp, nir go on brush your shoulders off**_

_**ladies is pimps too, go on brush your shoulders off**_

Jay-Z's voice came blaring from the speakers, on top of building clasical music. A beat started in the background, guitars and drums. It was a remix of the old Jay-Z song. Marissa rolled her window down, letting the cool night air in.

"This is awesome, where'd you find it?" Alex asked, leaning forward and turning up the music herself. Marissa felt her thigh tingle with Alex's hand so close to it.

"This guy I know." They pulled into Alex's driveway, but neither moved to say goodbye. After Summer had left, it had been awkward for a bit, but they had quickly relaxed. Relaxed enough for Marissa to throw a few french fries at Alex. Alex felt like she knew the other girl, after only two nights. Another voice came on, singing.

_**cuz its a bitter sweet symphony that's life**_

"Is that the Verve?" Alex asked and Marissa nodded.

_**trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to money**_

_**then you die**_

They still didn't leave. "You wanna come inside?" Alex asked.

_**no change **_

_**i can change i can change i can change**_

_**but i'm here in my mold**_

_**i am here in my mold**_

_**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

**there wasn't really a point in me stopping the chapter here, i just wanted to give you a cliff-hanger. haha, enjoy!**

**also, the song is a mashup of jay-z's **_**dirt off your shoulders**_** and the verve pipe's **_**bittersweet symphony.**_** its soo hot. check it out. **


	8. AN

**A/N :: Hey…sorry im taking forever and a day to update this, but my bday is today (yay, i know!!) and about a gazillion people are flying in from all 4 corners of the earth and my life has been beyond insane. Its 07/07/07 and apparently that means something big, or my friends decided it did. Anyway, sorry, im only getting this slight reprieve b/c everyone is gone, picking up other people to live in my already overcrowded house. Ive tried to write the chapter a few times, but it came out shitty and I want to give you something good. Anyway, I should have it up by tues or mon. i know its a hell of a chapter to leave you hanging on and again, sorry.**


	9. i can change on my own

**A/N: thanks for the reviews and the happy birthdays! alright, i got my mocha frappachino, rudely kicked my friends out of the house, put on my "this t-shirt is so old all the writing has worn off but its the softest thing i own" writing shirt, and sat down in front of my computer. and nothing came. so i watched two south of nowhere episodes and wrote this. enjoy!**

**_xela-assiram,_ sorry but i have no idea who did the mashup. you can find it on youtube if you search "bittersweet dirt off my shoulders". my friend got it off limewire too, if you're into that.**

**Chapter Eight: i can change on my own**

"Is that the Verve?" Alex asked and Marissa nodded. They still didn't leave. "You wanna come inside?" Alex asked.

_**no change **_

_**i can change i can change i can change**_

_**but i'm here in my mold**_

_**i am here in my mold**_

Marissa paused, considering it, picking that question apart. What did that mean? Was it just coming inside, or was it coming _inside_? So many guys had asked her just that question and she had said yes, said no, so many times. But this time it felt like it really meant something, this question. It would define something.

_**but i'm a million different people**_

_**from one day to the next**_

_**i can change on my own**_

"Yeah, sure." She cut the ignition and stepped out of the car with Alex. They walked up to the door and opened it. Marissa hung a foot behind Alex, watching her hair fall across her neck, her shoulder blades push against the soft cotton of her shirt as she opened the door. She realized she really wouldn't mind kissing this girl. In fact, it was kind of tempting. Marissa followed Alex through the door. She had never been in Alex's apartment before. Scratch that. She had never been in any girl's apartment before.

They both heard a loud crash from somewhere in the back of the apartment and Alex started to run back there. Marissa ran after her. Suddenly, the older girl stopped running and Marissa ran straight into her. She hit her, her body length across Alex's, and took a little too long to step back. Alex felt so good, her legs and back against Marissa. Marissa wanted to wrap her arms around the other girl and hold her close. She didn't. Though it was mainly because of the sight in front of her. Marissa immeadiately glanced away, but the image was burned into her brain.

A dark haired girl was being held by another girl against the wall. Both were in their underwear and the dark haired girl was riding the other girl's fingers, moaning. They didn't notice Marissa and Alex, who both stepped away. They quickly walked back to the living room and walked out the front door.

"I am so sorry about that." Alex dropped down on the steps, using her hands to emphasize her words. Marissa sat down next to her.

"Its ok. Not your fault." They sat there in silence for a second. Then Alex glanced over at Marissa and smiled and they both laughed.

"Ok, that was just..I don't what that was." Alex said, leaning back on her hands.

"That was your ex, right?"

"Yeah, Jodie. She's also my roommate. We've been best friends forever." Marissa nodded.

"Well, I'm gonna...go." She said, standing up. She looked over at Alex and found herself thinking about how it feel to be held up against a wall by Alex, doing those things they had been doing. Her stomach dropped and her eyes darkened. Alex noticed it and felt her own stomach tighten at the sight of Marissa's dark eyes. She was thinking the same things, but _really _trying not to.

"Ok. I'll talk you later." She said, waiting to see if Marissa would stay. The younger girl paused, shoving her hands deep in her back pockets. Alex stood up as well. She took a step forward toward Marissa and the younger girl didn't step away, just regarded the blonde with cautious, somewhat anticipating eyes. Alex leaned even closer and kissed the girl on her cheek. She stepped backwards and walked up the stairs, keeping her eyes on Marissa. Pausing at the top she smiled. The younger girl smiled back, a blush creeping up her cheeks, and then walked back to her car.

When she had gotten out of the numbered streets, her blush still hadn't faded. Bringing her hand up to her cheek, her heart still racing, Marissa smiled.


	10. plenty of self evaluation to go round

**geeez...sorry _wowwheeitsnicki_, . didn't want you to have a freaking spaz, lol. i just had to finish editing this chap and now its all yours! did you really think i'd leave ya'll with that little thing? enjoy!**

**Chapter Nine: plenty of self-evaluation to go round**

Marissa sat in the back of class, popping her gum, and staring out the window. Her math teacher was droning on about something, Marissa wasn't even sure what. Outside it was raining, an odd thing in Newport. Marissa loved the rain, but she didn't see very much of it. Or, well, any of it. Her cell phone buzzed in her purse next to her. She watched her teacher and carefully pulled her cell out. She hid it beneath the desk, between her knees and glanced down at the screen. 1 text message. She pushed read and smiled when she saw who it was from. Alex.

**A: hey. food after school?**

**M: yeah where?**

Marissa hadn't seen Alex since a week ago after the party and the whole thing at her apartment. She'd just sort of disappeared. Marissa was hoping that she didn't have anything to do with it. She had looked for her at the Bait Shoip and even driven to her house, but she was never there.

**A: my place? **

**A: i need to talk to you **

**M: ok**

Alex glanced around her apartment, which was a complete mess. She tossed some beer bottles into a trash bag and threw her dirty clothes into another bag. Her cell beeped. A text from Marissa. Alex hadn't seen her in a week and she had actually missed her. Her and her soft green eyes.

**M: sounds serious**

**A: its not ****just havent seen you in a while**

Alex dropped onto her couch and pressed send. She caught sight of her face in the tv across the room. A cut began at the edge of her eyebrow and ran down for an inch or so, before turning into a small scratch right on her cheek. She reached up to touch it. Maybe seeing Marissa wasn't the best idea.

**M: where have u been?**

**A: home**

Marissa heard the class grow silent and looked up, expecting the worst. Her teacher stood over her, glaring. Marissa offered up a weak smile.

"Hey Mr. Dobson." She said innocently, trying to slip the phone under her leg. He held out a hand and Marissa gave him a confused look. He raised his eyebrows. She sighed, ditching her innocent demeanor, and handed him her phone. He looked down at it angrily and slipped it into his pocket.

"You'll get this back after class. Unless. . ." He pulled the phone back out and looked at it, obviously technology impaired. "Were you texting? You know that's against the rules." Marissa shook her head.

"Of course not." She lied. He gave her a look, but put the phone back into his pocket. He had just made it back up to the front of the class when the phone buzzed again. He turned and glared at Marissa than took the phone out and pressed a button.

**A: i missed you**

Mr. Dobson read the message aloud. The class laughed. Marissa grinned sheepishly, but inside she was glowing. Alex had missed her. Mr. Dobson pushed reply and started to type something.

"This will teach your boyfriend to text message you in class." He said.

"Actually it's not my-" Marissa started, but was cut off when Mr. Dobson shot her a glare. _It's my girlfriend_. Marissa thought, smiling at the word. Her girlfriend. Not really, of course, but still fun to think about. God, that would shock him. Mr. Dobson read the message he had just composed aloud.

**M: ms. cooper is preoccupied with math class at the moment, so her boyfriends will have to refrain from messaging her and missing her until the end of school. Thank you**

Alex looked at the message in shock for a moment, than started laughing. Refrain from-? Preoccupied-? Boyfriends-? _Oh god, Marissa got caught. Oops._ Alex thought. _And she has a complete snob for a teacher_. Alex, grinning, started typing again.

**A: its girlfriends**

Marissa's phone beeped again and Mr. Dobson shot her a nasty look. If looks could kill. . . He practically whipped it out and pressed read. As he read it his face completely changed, going through shock, disbelief and then awe, with a few unreadable glances in between. He looked over at Marissa, something in his eyes and Marissa laughed. She could guess at what Alex had told him.

"It's true." Marissa said simply. The bell rang then, and the whole class stood up and grabbed their books. Marissa made her way up to the front and carefully took her phone out of her still shocked teacher's hands. She flashed him a grin and then walked out.

**M: u should have seen his face**

Alex smiled when she read Marissa's message. She had seen his face, just on different people. She flicked on the light in her bathroom and examined the cut on her face. If she wanted to back out, now was the time. She traced the cut.

**A: see u in a few?**

Marissa slipped into her convertible, thank god the top had been up or her seats would be ruined, and waved to Summer, who was across the parking lot with Seth. They were hiding from the rain.

"I'll see you tonight." Summer called. "I heard about math!" Marissa grinned.

"Alright!" She turned the ignition and flipped open her cell to answer Alex.

**M: less than that **


	11. lillies for my rainy day women

**hey! thanks for all the reviews...im glad you like my story, cuz i really like it too. and i also like hearing that from other people. and yes, i've been giving you cliffhangers lately! i don't know why i leave them like that now, but its becoming a habit. i'll try to break it.**

**enjoy...**

**Chapter Ten: lilies for my rainy day women**

Marissa pulled into Alex's tiny driveway and cut the ignition. Alex's apartment seemed familair to her now. She opened the car door and slipped her cell phone into her pocket. The rain was coming down hard and she was soaked in the time it took her to get to Alex's door. She huddled under Alex's tiny porch while the rain beat around her. She knocked once and heard Alex call from inside.

"Door's unlocked!!" Marissa quickly opened the door and went inside, shivering. She glanced around the slightly messy, warm apartment. It smelled like Alex. And Marissa should know, she had slept next to her all morning. Well, sleep was the operative word. At least it wasn't freezing inside. Marissa walked through an open door to the kitchen and rung her shirt out in the sink.

"Hey. God, you must be freezing." Marissa heard Alex's voice behind her. The other girl couldn't be more than a few feet away and Marissa's whole body was tingling with the sound Alex's voice. Especially after not hearing it for a week. She turned quickly to the older girl, only to see a nasty cut down the side of Alex's face. Marissa felt her stomach turn. Who would... ? She took two quick steps to Alex and put her hands on the other girl's face, turning it a little.

"What happened?" She said quietly, her voice worried. She studied the cut on Alex's face. Alex glanced away, then offered up a weak smile. She had hoped that maybe Marissa would ignore the cut or something. But apparently she wasn't going to do that.

"I fell." She lied unconvincingly. "Broke a mirror." Marissa frowned and then wrapped her arms around the blonde's shoulders in a fierce hug. Alex felt tears prick her eyes as she wrapped her arms around Marissa's waist.

"Your not a very good liar." Marissa murmured into Alex's hair, grasping her tightly, holding her just a little too close. Alex smiled, just a little. She leaned her cheek into Marissa's wet neck, enjoying the girl's smell a bit too much. It's funny, the little steps that take you 'cross the line.

"Apparently not to you." Alex admitted quietly. They were so close that their toes, thighs, and stomachs were touching. Alex could feel Marissa's wetness soaking through her clothes. Marissa pulled back a bit to look into Alex's eyes, her hands still on the shorter girl's shoulders. Alex dropped her hands from Marissa's waist and shoved them in her back pockets, glancing away.

"What happened to your cheek? You said you went home. Was it something there?" Marissa was genuinely concerned. She couldn't stand seeing the other girl hurt, emotionally or physically. She wasn't quite sure why. It made her angry, made her want to hurt whoever had hurt Alex. When Alex looked away and didn't answer, Marissa took Alex's face in her hands, turning the older girl's eyes toward her. They were only centimeters apart.

Alex looked straight into Marissa's sea-green eyes, their faces only a breath apart. Marissa found herself forgetting about the cut and the reason it was there, and thinking about something different altogether. Her traitorous eyes flicked down to Alex's lips. Marissa's thumb stroked Alex's cheekbone, almost involuntarily. Their lips were so close that Marissa could almost feel Alex's on her's, how soft they would be. There were a thousand thoughts going through her head, most of which had to do with the fact that she wanted to kiss a girl and how that would affect her sexuality. Alex's hands came back up to Marissa's waist, pulling her closer and those thoughts just faded away. Marissa leaned forward, so slowly, her eyes searching Alex's. Alex paused, looking into Marissa's eyes as well, then leaned forward. Their lips were almost touching, a centimeter apart, noses side by side. Marissa leaned just a bit further, eyes closing, lips brushing...

"Honey, I'm home!!!!" The front door slammed shut and Jodie came in, dropping bags on her way. Marissa pulled away quickly and Alex let go of her, glancing away. Jodie rushed in, not even seeing Marissa. But she did see the cut down half of Alex's face.

"Alex honey, I told you not to go home. Shit girl, what happened to you?" Jodie stopped talking and wrapped Alex in a hug. Alex hugged her back, then pulled away and looked behind her, at Marissa. Jodie followed her gaze and grinned when she saw Marissa, who was red-faced. "Am I interrupting something?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Um. . " Alex wasn't sure what to say. Marissa looked away, then shivered. The coldness had been momentarily forgotten in the moments before.

"Anyway, I have to go." Jodie said. "Just dropped in for a bit." She leaned toward Alex. "We're talking when I get back." She promised solemnly, then grinned at Marissa. "Bye." She left in the same whirlwind she had come in. After she had left, Alex reached out and rubbed Marissa's arm.

"Here, I'll get you a dry shirt or something." Alex said, turning to leave. Trying to avoid the awkwardness she could feel coming.

"Wait." Marissa said softly. She reached out and took Alex's arm, pulling her very, very close. Marissa ran her hand into Alex's hair. She tilted her head down just a little and kissed Alex lightly. The second their lips met, Marissa's felt her stomach flip. Alex kissed her back, her soft lips moving on Marissa's. They kissed, there in the middle of Alex's grey kitchen. Alex slid her arms around Marissa's waist, deepening the kiss.

After a bit, Marissa pulled back to catch her breath, her hands still in Alex's hair, their foreheads pressed together. The two girls looked into each other's eyes, searching and then Alex hooked her fingers in the loops of Marissa's jeans and pulled her even closer. She kissed her again. Fireworks were going off in Marissa's head, Alex's lips on her's, her body so close. She kissed her back, matching Alex's moves. Alex could feel Marissa's flat stomach through her wet shirt and her own stomach was somewhere other than where it usually was. After a few moments Marissa pulled back suddenly, taking her hands from Alex's hair. Alex let go of her belt loops.

"I have no idea what I'm doing." Marissa said, stepping back a step, not sure where she was going with their kiss. Where it would take them. Alex took a step back as well.

"Uh, I'll get that shirt." Alex said, recognizing Marissa's complete confusion. Alex disappeared quickly.


	12. supposedly i proposed

**you're gonna hate me for this chapter...and i'm surprised that someone caught the whole "imagine me and you" reference in the last chapter. "lillies" and all. anyway, enjoy! i promise to have the next chapter up tomorrow, so don't worry.**

**Chapter Eleven: **

**supposedly i proposed that we probably shouldn't be preparing... for that.**

Marissa hopped up onto the island in Alex's kitchen and wrapped her arms around herself, her mind racing. She had just kissed Alex. And not just a little peck, a full blown make out. And she had liked it, no, she had loved it. The feel of Alex in her arms, the way she had tasted, the feel of her mouth. It was that fascinating fantasy she wasn't allowed to have, but did anyway. Only it had come true, it was real. Marissa ran her tongue over her lips. She knew she should be cold, but her body was still warm from the feel of Alex's on it.

Marissa gazed out the tiny window at the gray rain falling on the concrete outside. See, she really wanted to kiss Alex again. Like, now. But she knew it was wrong. She knew it should be wrong. Her mind just couldn't grasp everything that was going on. She sighed and hopped off the counter, walking toward the window. She traced a rain drop down the pane with her finger. Even it was racing away, going to fast for Marissa to grasp it.

Alex walked into her bedroom, not quite remembering what she was doing there. Her mind had been shaken by Marissa's kiss, Marissa's lips, Marissa.

T-shirt, right. She turned and opened her drawer, slowly going through her clothes. Her mind drifting to what had happened only seconds ago. Alex was going to have dreams about that.

She finally pulled out an old red hot chili peppers shirt and started back toward the door. She knew she shouldn't be kissing Marissa. Hell, Marissa was supposedly straight and they were supposedly friends. They were supposed to be fake dating not. . . whatever it was that they were doing. Long glances and flirty words. Alex stopped at the kitchen door and watched Marissa trace a rain drop down the window. She looked so young and so fragile. Alex loved her in that moment. She stayed there, watching the other girl for a few minutes. She looked worried and scared and maybe...Alex searched for the word...lonely.

Marissa stepped back from the window and Alex stepped into the shadows, wondering what the other girl was going to do. Marissa sighed and even from all the way in the hallway, Alex could see the confusion in her eyes. Confusion and fear. The other girl sighed and stepped hurridly out of the kitchen. Alex heard her footsteps through the living room and stepped into the kitchen just in time to see Marissa open the door and close it. The resounding noise echoed through the house. A car engine revved outside and Alex stepped to the window, shirt still in her hands, to see Marissa peel out of her driveway, going much too fast for a rainy day.

Once she was out of sight Alex sighed and sat down on the couch. She tossed the shirt onto the table before her and leaned back, putting her hands over her face. _Shit._

Marissa was racing out of Alex's neighborhood, trying to outrun the girl she had left in the apartment. She shouldn't have done that, she knew it as she was doing it, but she didn't know what else to do. She reached a red light and tapped her foot against the floor, annoyed at the traffic light that had made her slow down, had brought thoughts back into her head. She wasn't supposed to like girls. She didn't know why, she just knew that wasn't who she was. Because that meant she was different. Marissa Cooper was already different enough, in all the right ways. And this wasn't a right way.

She had been okay with it when it was in her head, safe there from anything else, but now it was out there and she didn't know what was going to happen. She should trust Alex, she did trust Alex, but she didn't trust herself not to hurt the other girl with what she was feeling. So she had left and, she realized, probably hurt the other girl more than she would have hurt her by staying. Marissa sighed and pulled a u-turn in middle of the street, prompting an outcry of horns at the teenager in the red Mustang. She merged into the opposite street and began racing back to Alex's house. She was about ten minutes away now and she wondered what twenty minutes of leaving would do to Alex.

Marissa's phone rang in the seat next to her and she picked it up, not even glancing at it.

"Hello?"

"Hey." Summer said, oblivious to the turmoil her best friend was in. "We're going to the Bait Shop tonight, want to come?" Marissa paused.

"Um, yeah." It would be easier to back out later, when she was sane. She heard the phone switch hands.

"Bring Alex." Seth told her. "You owe me some girl-on-girl face time, since I missed the last one." More noises, and Summer was back on the line.

"Don't listen to the perv I call my boyfriend. But bring Alex anyway, Ryan and Lindsay are coming too."

"Ok." Was all Marissa said. Summer paused,

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, yeah." Marissa said. "I'm just a little tired. I'll call you later."

"Ok." Marissa hung up and tossed the phone back on the seat, slowing down. Maybe she should just see Alex at the Bait Shop tonight and talk to her then. Maybe she needed her space. The coward in her heart took over, telling her quiet things that she listened to, ignoring common sense. She pulled into a turn lane this time and then switched lanes, but her heart wasn't in it. She wanted to be with Alex right now, she just didn't know how to do that.


	13. a rainbow like you

**ok, i lied. i got extremely side-tracked and didn't do anything at all the last couple days, so i didn't post this, even though it was finished. anyway, this is soooooo long, but it just goes together and i didn't feel like splitting it up and posting it seperately, b/c the part before the song is too short. i figured you'd enjoy too long more than too short.**

**the song is **_**bold as love**_** by jimi hendrix (i know, rocking the retro) but john mayer does it really well. i love the guitar on it (of course i do, its jimi hendrix), which is probably why i put it in here. the lyrics aren't, you know... yeah, anyway...enjoy!**

**Chapter Twelve: a rainbow like you**

Alex was stocking the bar, sliding Yoo-Hoos into ice and wiping down glasses. Jodie walked up behind her and stuck her freezing cold beer against Alex's neck. Alex jumped about three feet into the air. She turned to see Jodie there, laughing.

"Shit Jodie." Alex said, barely holding onto the glass in her hand. "What the hell?" Jodie just smirked and shrugged, popping the top off her beer with the side of the bar.

"Just waking you up, you seemed kind of out of it. Thinking about the amazing sex you had with that girl in your kitchen?" Alex shot her best friend a look and went back to drying glasses.

"I didn't have sex with her."

"Then, the make out session?" Jodie hopped up on the bar, leaning back on her hands to examine Alex's face. Alex shook her head.

"We kissed and she ran away." Alex admitted. Jodie tilted her head and frowned.

"For real?" Alex nodded and Jodie paused for a minute. Something dawned on her. "Wait...was she straight?" Alex nodded again and Jodie let out a long-suffering sigh. "Alex, hun, what did you think she was going to do? Run screaming out of the closet? She's just scared." Alex nodded for a third time.

"I know. I just wish she would have stayed and talked to me." Jodie rolled her eyes and got off the bar.

"Look, she's gorgeous, you're gorgeous, she kissed you, now she just needs some time. Stop whining and try to understand." Jodie tapped Alex's bare arm with her beer. "You and me, we had it easy. Not everyone does." Alex looked over at Jodie and smirked.

"You're right, you were easy." Jodie laughed.

"I'm not even going to attempt to deny that." Jodie grinned. She sipped her beer and stepped down out of the circular bar. "You working tonight?"

"Yeah, John Mayer is playing." Jodie's eyebrows went up.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, I'm staying. Get me tickets." Alex reached down below the counter, smirking, and pulled one out.

"Done." She held it out of reach. "You know what I had to do to get this?" Jodie raised an eyebrow.

"Well then, now who's easy?" Alex laughed and handed the ticket to Jodie who grinned.

"I'll see you later?" Jodie asked. Alex went grabbed a couple Yoo-hoos and shoved them into the ice.

"Yeah."

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

"Where's Alex?" Were the first words Seth spoke when Marissa sat down in the back of the Range Rover. He didn't pull out of her driveway, just looked back at her. Marissa gave him a look.

"She's working. We'll see her there." Seth seemed satisfied and he turned back to the wheel.

"So, have you been talking to her a lot?" Summer asked curiously. Marissa repressed a sigh. Alex was the last thing she wanted to talk about. She glanced out the window at the mansions flying by.

"Yeah, she's cool. The whole dating thing is kinda awkard, but we just have fun." Seth waggled his eyebrows at her in the mirror.

"Fun fun or _fun _fun?" He asked. Summer swatted him on the arm. "For educational purposes, of course."

"Fun." Marissa said simply. "How's the comic book going?" Summer shot her a look, but it was the easiest conversation change she knew. Seth took a deep breath, then opened his mouth.

"Well, Zach has been talking to Reed about moving the date back, because some of the inking we were doing got smeared when Zach tried to change some dialouge in the middle of..."

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

_**anger **_

_**he smiles towering in**_

_**shiny metallic purple armour**_

The first few notes rang out from John Mayer's guitar. Alex looked up at him, sitting there, an electric guitar balanced comfortably on his knee, microphone before him. His voice rang out, emotion clear in it. She didn't really love John Mayer or anything, but she did like this song. She poured a guy his drink and leaned against the bar to watch.

_**queen jealously,**_

_**eny waits **_

_**behind him**_

Marissa walked to the edge of the balcony, looking down to see Alex pouring some guy a drink. Marissa kept her eyes on the older girl, watched her lean against the bar to watch John Mayer on the stage. The song he was singing was unfamilair, but it was good. Marissa took a deep breath and walked down the stairs.

_**her fiery green gown sneers at the grassy ground**_

_**blue are the life-giving waters**_

_**taken for granted**_

_**they quietly understand**_

****

Alex felt a hesitant hand on her shoulder. She turned, surprised at who she saw. She hadn't expected to see Marissa there, not tonight, after everything that had happened.

"Uh, can I talk to you?" Marissa asked, her eyes looking everywhere but at Alex.

"Sure." Alex stepped from behind the counter. "Let's go somewhere, um, private." She started toward the storage room.

_**the once happy turquoise armies lay opposite ready**_

_**but wonder why the fight is on**_

Alex pushed open the door and Marissa remembered doing the same thing, only a couple weeks ago. It had been one of those life-altering moments and she hadn't realized it in the least bit. They stopped in the middle of the room. Marissa's eyes were drawn to the red scratch on Alex's face.

"You never told me what happened." Marissa said quietly. She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them, reaching out to touch the cut on Alex's face. Her fingertips brushed it and Alex looked away.

"My dad he. . . My mother died a few days ago. I went home for the funeral and my dad. . . He's a skinhead. Hates blacks, Asians, Jews, and especially gays. Especially me." Alex looked up at Marissa, expecting pity or disgust or something, but all she saw was compassion. And anger.

"Your dad did this?" Marissa asked, stepping forward and softly tracing the cut on Alex's face. She couldn't even imagine. Alex glanced away, both at the feel of Marissa's fingers on her face and at the emotions so clear on the younger girl's face.

_**but they're all**_

_**bold as love**_

_**yeah, **_

_**they're all bold as love**_

"Yeah. But I'm ok." Marissa shook her head, staring to speak, but Alex stopped her. "What did you want to talk about?" Alex asked, changing the subject. Marissa paused, but moved on. She would talk about that later. They would have plenty of time for it.

"Sorry that I...uh, ran out on you." Marissa said. She had thought about what she wanted to say, but didn't know when she should say it, she realized.

"Its ok." Alex said. "I know its new for you." Marissa nodded.

"Well, I just wanted to say...

_**they're all bold as love**_

_**just ask the axis**_

...that we're really good friends and I don't want to ruin that." Marissa took a deep breath, preparing for the next part of her speech. Alex interrupted her.

"Um, yeah, its ok. We can just be friends." Marissa paused. No, that was not ok. She started again.

"Alex, I mean-" Alex cut her off again.

"Look, I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything. Its ok, it was a mistake." Marissa tried to hide her hurt. It was a mistake?

"Uh, yeah...ok." Marissa said, a lump swelling in her throat. She didn't think it was a mistake.

_**my red is so confident **_

_**that he flashes**_

_**trophies of war and ribbons of euphoria**_

"It was a nice kiss, but we're just friends. I get it." Alex was trying to head the girl off, delay the hurt she could feel hurtling toward her. This way, she had some control. Marissa still looked confused, scared. Alex stepped toward her. "Hey, its ok." That was a lie. "We'll be ok, really." Hopefully that was not a lie. Marissa nodded, not sure what to say. So Alex didn't like her?

_**orange is young**_

_**full of daring**_

_**but**_

_**its very unsteady for the first go round**_

For the second time that day, Marissa felt like things were flying by too fast for her to grasp them. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. She really liked Alex, she wanted to kiss Alex, even now when the girl was saying these things, and this was like...breaking up or something. She was scared of losing these emotions she felt for the other girl. She liked them and wanted to explore them, not ignore them. She didn't really believe that Alex didn't like her. She was probably just protecting her.

_**my yellow in this case is not so mellow**_

_**in fact i'm trying to say**_

_**it's frightened like me**_

Alex watched the other girl's eyes. They looked full of turmoil, raging colors, blue and green, dancing around the room. Alex felt her heart tear a little. She liked this girl a lot. This straight girl. Marissa finally looked at her. She looked unsure and Alex almost took back every word she had just spoken, denied them all. But Marissa spoke first.

"Ok." Was all she said. She started toward the door. Alex grabbed her wrist and again, Marissa felt goosebumps race up her arm, skin tingling. Just friends?

_**and all these emotions of mine**_

_**keep holding me from**_

_**giving my life**_

_**to a rainbow like you**_

"Are you staying for the concert?" Marissa nodded.

"Yeah, Seth wants to see you. Actually," Marissa smiled softly, trying to hold it together. "-he wants to see me and you, together." Alex smiled a little.

"Ok, I'll come find you in a little while. I have to work."

"Ok." Alex's hand was still on her wrist and Marissa stared into her blue eyes, starting to get lost in them. Dammit. She pulled away and left.

_**but i**_

_**i'm bold as love**_

_**yeah, i'm bold**_

_**bold as love**_

****

Marissa stepped into the main part of the club to John Mayer's emotional cries. She crossed her arms, fighting back tears that she could feel coming. She didn't know why Alex was doing it. The way the blonde has kissed her...there's no way she didn't like her. So why was she doing this? Or maybe she really didn't like her. _Then, why desn't she like me? _Marissa thought heartbrokenly. _What's not to like?_ She walked to the bathroom, ignoring her friends in a booth across the club.

_**i'm bold, as bold as love**_

_**just ask the axis**_

_**he knows, he knows**_

_**he knows, he knows everything**_

Alex sat down on one of the boxes, wondering what the hell had just happened a few minutes ago. Had they broken up from their non-existant relationship? Alex knew Marissa would be scared, but this hurt, this just friends thing. It was going to be hard. But Alex wanted to stay near her, so she would do it, she supposed. Maybe Marissa would come around. _Doubtful._ Alex thought. She sighed.


	14. some say seth cohen

**its 97 degrees outside today which is totally awesome (seriously? seriously. no sarcasm there b/c with summer heat comes summer storms and with summer storms comes summer waves!) but its one o'clock and if i went outside right now i would melt. so im gonna write another chapter and wait for the sun to fade just a little. **

**oh, and _FiresOfDeath_? right back at 'cha. im going to assume that my amazing chapter left you speechless and say thank you. thank you!**

**enjoy.**

**Chapter Thirteen: some say seth cohen is the definition of awkward**

_Alex sat down on one of the boxes, wondering what the hell had just happened a few minutes ago. Had they broken up from their non-existant relationship? Alex knew Marissa would be scared, but this hurt, this just friends thing. It was going to be hard. But Alex wanted to stay near her, so she would do it, she supposed. Maybe Marissa would come around. _Doubtful._ Alex thought. She sighed._

She glanced up when the door opened again, ten minutes later. Marissa walked in. Alex raised her eyebrows. _That was fast_. But Marissa only walked over to her.

"I've gotta ask you something." Marissa said, crossing her arms nervously. Alex stood up, studying the other girl.

"Ok." She said openly.

"Do you think I could stay at your apartment for the next few days?" Alex raised her eyebrows.

"Um...sure? Can I ask why?" Marissa sighed and sat down on Alex's vacated box.

"Yeah. I know we just made up and everything and things are gonna be kind of awkward, but my mom wants me out of the house, because I've been skipping school. And Summer's dad won't let me stay with them, so...yeah." She looked up at Alex. She smiled at the confused expression on the blonde's face. Marissa was mad at her, still, but couldn't blame her for not liking her. It wasn't something you chose. And Marissa just wanted to see the other girl smile. Alex did, lighting up her face.

"Ok. Well, sure. But me and Jodie have a couch, that's it."

"Ok. I just need somewhere to sleep for a couple days." There was a pause. "You want to go get a drink or something? Meet up with everybody else?"

"Sure." Alex followed Marissa out the door. If she knew anything about Seth Cohen, she knew this was going to be awkward.

IOIOIOIOIOIO

"So, any tongue action lately?" Seth asked, staring straight at Alex. Alex rolled her eyes and didn't answer.

"Shut up Cohen." Summer warned him. "Or I'll give _you_ tongue action." She paused. "Wait, that came out wrong." Marissa laughed at her best friend.

"Ok, anyone want anything to drink?" Marissa asked. Alex stood up to let her out of the booth. They had been sitting, thigh by thigh, for the last three hours, Alex trying to ignore the constant tingle in her leg.

"Mountain dew." Summer said.

"Same." Seth added.

"Coke." Ryan said simply.

"Water." Lindsay blushed a little.

"Strawberry daquiri." Anna supplied.

"Yoo-hoo." That was Zach. Marissa's eyebrows rose. Alex laughed a little at her.

"Coke and rum?" She added. Marissa gave her a look. "I'll help you." Alex offered. The two of them had reverted back to their old ways, comfortable flirting and being friends, and both were completley ignoring the kiss, pretending it hadn't happened. And, also like it had been, sexual tension was building. But it felt regular. Marissa followed Alex to the bar, watched as she mixed everyone's drinks.

"How did you remember that?" Marissa asked. Alex glanced up and shrugged.

"I'm a bartender, Riss. Its what I do." She said it playfully and Marissa blushed, then immeadiately regretted it. Friends don't make friends blush. Up on the stage, John Mayer was still playing, the guitar blaring through the speakers.

"You ready to leave?" Marissa asked. Alex nodded.

"Yeah. You wanna rent a movie and watch it tonight?"

"Yeah, as long as its good."

"Hey, I have good taste in movies."

"Uh-huh." Marissa said, smirking. Alex laughed.

"I said I thought that the Terminal was a little odd, not bad."

"Yeah, well the Terminal is the best movie ever." Marissa said defensively. Alex laughed and handed Marissa a few drinks.

"Whatever you say Riss." Marissa looked over at her and smiled. Just friends? Not for long. They walked back to the booth, balancing about eight drinks between the two of them. Alex expertly slid them across the table to their respective owners. She turned to Marissa who was awkwardly trying to set the drinks on the table. She grabbed a few and set them down.

"Thanks." Marissa smiled. They sat down, their legs going back to the positon they had been in before. Alex almost sighed at the familiar tingle returning to her leg. The conversation was drifting around music, but with eight different people there were a few mentions of snow men, and bananas came up at one point. Seth set his eyes on Marissa and Alex. Both girls glanced down, trying to avoid engaging him at all. Neither wanted the kiss to be exposed, for almost identical reasons.

"So, ladies." Summer sent him a warning look and Seth put up his hands. "I was just going to ask if they've made out yet." Summer glared at him. Marissa blushed a little and quckly took a sip of her drink to hide it. Beside her Alex stiffened a bit, then relaxed.

"Yes. A lot. We do it all the time. Want a video? Cuz we filmed it too." Alex answered. Marissa almost snorted out her drink. She set it down and wiped her mouth, watching Seth's eyes widened.

"Really?" He asked, his voice embarassingly excited. Alex laughed.

"No. God, you really are crazy. We're just friends." She sent him an amused look, but inside she was hurting. She really didn't like saying that.

Marissa glanced over at Alex and realized something. All she had needed from the other girl was this, this hanging out. The fact that Alex would still talk to her after she thought Marissa had rejected her, it proved that she really liked Marissa, more than mere words could. Marissa had needed the confirmation that they could kiss and they would still have this comfortable relationship. Sure it might be hard sometimes, but all relationships were. If they could still have this, even half the time, it meant they should have each other. Marissa placed a hesitant hand on Alex's thigh. It clenched benath her fingertips and Marissa's stomach flipped nervously. She glanced up to meet Alex's eyes.

"You ready?" She asked, with her eyes as much as her voice. Alex nodded silently, asking different things with her eyes.

"Uh, yeah, sure. "

-------------

**I swear this is not a cliffhanger!! they just left, ok? and i didn't feel like dragging this scene on to explain that. so, they went home alright? marissa realized something and then she decided to leave. there we go. no cliffhanger. no nothing.**

**and i need your help. im considering an M chapter next...did i just ruin it? sorry, but i had to ask, b/c i want to know what ya'll think. should i go for it? revieew.**

**right down there.**


	15. once you've had a taste

**this is rated M.**

**sorry this took so long. family stuff...anyway, the title of this chapter is from james morrison's song "under the influence". i just feel like its my duty to share good music with people, so here you go!**

**enjoy...**

**Chapter Fourteen: once you've had a taste of it, there's no going back**

Alex woke up lying next to Marissa in her bed. She wasn't quite sure how she had gotten there, but it was the second time that she had woken up next to Marissa. Although this time, she was in Marissa's arms. Strictly friendship though. _Uh-huh. _Alex thought. She lay, feeling safer than she had in. . . ever.

Finally, she rolled out of bed and yawned. The clock said it was 5:02 am. Marissa had school in a couple hours and Alex usaully went to the gym in the morning. Alex walked into her shower and turned on the hot water. She walked back to her room for clothes and peeked into Jodie's room. No Jodie. Probably had a one night stand or something. Could possibly be passed out in front of a bar.

Alex paused at her door on the way back to the bathroom. Last night she and Marissa had stayed up eating Chinese food and watching movies. It was like some sort of screwed sleepover, because all Alex could think about was Marissa, who was in Alex's old t-shirt, her underwear and nothing else. Alex couldn't even remember which movie they'd rented. But, she'd kept her hands to herself. She and Marissa were just friends. Unfourtunately. Alex was glad they had made up, glad they had "gotten over" the kiss. Maybe _they _had but she, herself, hadn't. Not at all. She leaned against the door, wanting to crawl back in bed next to the younger girl. She watched Marissa sleep in the semidarkness, her gorgeous hair strewn around her head, her arms still in the position to hold Alex. Alex sighed and went back to the bathroom. She needed a really cold shower.

Marissa opened her eyes slowly, her dream fading to the back of her mind. It had been of Alex, she was sure, and she hoped she hadn't actually spoken the words she had been whispering to the other girl in her dream. She was barely awake but she knew Alex wasn't lying near her, because they would have been wrapped around each other like they seemed to end up whenever they were in the same bed. The light in the room was gray and she glanced at the clock as she blinked the sleep from her eyes. 5:07 am. She leaned up on her arm and glanced at the pillow next to her. There was an indentation there. _Alex _She thought.The indention was only a centimeter away from Marissa's head, which meant they had been sleeping pretty close. Marissa looked around the room. The door was open and there was a light down the hall. Marissa could hear the shower.

She rolled out of bed, not sure what she was going to do next. Last night had been. . .well, awkward. Comforting. Familiar. Slightly confusing. It had been a lot of things and they all made Marissa more and more sure of what she was feeling for the blue-eyed girl. Marissa walked out the door and padded down the hall. She paused, her hand of the doorknob to the bathroom. All Marissa had thought about last night was kissing Alex, and their hurried conversation in the club. She didn't even remember the movie they had rented. Marissa twisted the knob. It was unlocked. She pushed it open and stepped inside. Steam filled the bathroom, condensation dripping off the yellow tiles in the tiny room. Marissa closed the door behind her.

"Jodie?" Alex asked, but she knew it wasn't Jodie. She was frozen behind the semi-clear bathroom curtain.

"I don't think she ever came home." Marissa said, taking a toothbrush off the sink and squirting toothpaste on it. Alex sighed almost silently. This was just great. She was naked and Marissa was three feet away. Not even that.

"Marissa? What are you doing?" Alex asked, taking a bottle of shampoo off the edge of the tub. Marissa watched her hand reach around the curtain. It was tan and soaking wet and Marissa could imagine what the rest of her body must look like. Not that she did or anything...

"Brushing my teeth." Marissa answered, running water over the toothbrush and sticking it in her mouth. Alex could see Marissa's silhouette through the curtain.

"With my toothbrush?" Alex asked, shampooing her hair. She was remembering Marissa's hands in her hair. And thinking about Marissa's hands. And what Marissa could do with those hands, given the chance. And suddenly it wasn't just the water that was getting her wet. Alex shut her eyes momentarily, trying to force out images that didn't belong in her brain. Marissa shrugged, trying to seem casual.

"Ah don ave mon." Marissa said, brushing her teeth. Her heart was racing and her eyes were locked on the reflection of Alex's blurred form behind the shower curtain. She could see the girl and _feel_ her, only a foot away. Alex frowned and stuck her head under the shower head. She couldn't believe she was having this completely normal conversation, considering the time and place. And state of undress.

"What?" She asked and Marissa smiled and washed the toothbrush off.

"I said, I don't have mine." She put the toothbrush back on the sink. "So, are you going to share that shower with me or get out?" Marissa asked, smiling and suddenly feeling brave in the early morning. Alex paused, realizing that this was one of those moments that could make or break a friendship. "You're taking too long to answer that question." Marissa said and sat down on the toilet. The shower stopped and Alex reached around the curtain and grabbed a towel off the rack. She stepped out of the tub and onto the floor, only a few feet from Marissa, towel wrapped around her.

Marissa felt her stomach drop, looking at the gorgeous girl in a tiny towel. Alex's long legs seem to go on forever. Marissa forced her eyes up to Alex's face and then couldn't seem to drag them away. She was sure her mouth was hanging open. Alex's hair was long and wet. The purple strand that usually only took up a lock to the side of Alex's face had been broken into many different strands and they crisscrossed through her hair. Marissa stood up and moved closer to Alex. She took her finger and traced one of the strands down Alex's head, fascinated. Alex felt a delicious shiver go through her spine. Her grip on her towel tightened. Marissa smiled down at her, biting her lip, and Alex had to smile back.

"What?" Alex asked, her voice kind of shaky. Marissa shook her head, her heart making a descison that her mind refused to.

"You're so gorgeous." Marissa said softly. Alex watched something unreadable run across Marissa's face as she leaned toward Alex and kissed her, so soft. It lasted only a single second, but seemed to stretch on and on. Alex's lips were so much softer than anyone else's she had kissed. And they felt more familiar, like their lips belonged together. Or something. Marissa pulled away, both her and Alex's eyes still closed. Alex opened hers first.

"Wow." She said huskily. Marissa's eyes were still closed.

"Mm-hmm." Marissa agreed, slowly opening her eyes. She met Alex's. "I can't be just your friend." Marissa blurted quietly, decisively, and she looked Alex in her eyes, a hunger growing in her own. She leaned a little bit further.

"I know." Alex replied, the darkness growing in her eyes sending a deeper undercurrent into the words. A fire was spreading through her stomach and melting her heart, making her blood race for the other girl. Marissa leaned closer to Alex and kissed her firmly, only once, then pulled back. Alex wrapped one arm around Marissa's waist and ran her hand down the brunette's arm, goosebumps rising after the fingers.Their lips met again, eyes shut, and Marissa tasted what she had been dreaming about. She could feel Alex against her, every curve and muscle, the blonde's hand roaming over her back.

Marissa moved her hands up to Alex's waist, onto the damp towel wrapped around the blonde. She tugged her closer and Alex ran her tongue over Marissa's lip. Marissa opened her mouth instinctively and pressed herself as close as she could to the other girl. Alex's tongue tasted her, tracing lines on her mouth, in her mouth. The only thing holding the towel up now was the pressure of their bodies and Marissa pulled back just an inch. Alex let the towel drop the floor, continuing her sweet exploration of Marissa's mouth. Marissa pushed up against Alex again felt a wetness seep between her legs, throbbing gently, steadily growing.

Alex lifted Marissa's, or rather her shirt over Marissa's head, breaking their kiss for only a second before they leaned back together. Alex's damp skin was touching her everywhere and Marissa's body was on fire. She could feel Alex's hard nipples push into her skin. Their mouths tasted each other again and again. Finally Alex pulled back, both girl's hearts racing. A pleasantly aching throbbing remained between Alex's legs. She raised an eyebrow, her breathing haggard, and looked straight into Marissa's eyes, resting her forehead against the younger girl's. Marissa's heart was pounding in her chest, her mind not quite believing what was happening.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Alex asked, her voice soft and breathless. Marissa didn't answer for a second and Alex's hand went for the towel that had been discarded so quickly on the floor. Marissa caught her hand, intwining their fingers, and met Alex's nervous eyes. She knew the look was echoed in her own. Words to explain how she felt wouldn't come and she bit her lip, the wetness between her legs distracting her mind. She simply leaned forward and kissed Alex, running her fingers down the blonde's chest, over taunt nipples, trailing them down her flat stomach. Alex shivered at the slight touch and kissed her back. Marissa's fingers paused on Alex's hip bones, unsure of what to do next and Alex captured them, pulling her out of the bathroom and down the short hallway.

They reached the Alex's bedroom and Alex pulled Marissa down on top of her. Marissa was relieved, not sure that she could stand on her shaky legs anymore. Legs that threatened to give out and send her to the floor unless Alex was holding her as close as she could. Alex rolled her over, their mouths still together, hands finding purchase on every inch of soft skin they could find. Her weight felt comfortable. Marissa felt Alex's hand burning an imprint on her stomach, running up and down and then Alex's thumb ran over her clit and Marissa broke their kiss, needing a sudden intake of air. She arched her back for more touch. Alex kneeled, her legs straddling Marissa, and bent over to kiss her collarbone gently. She trailed kisses down Marissa's chest and Marissa's hands went to her soft blonde hair, thumb brushing behind the girl's ear. Marissa felt Alex shiver.

Alex took Marissa's nipple into her mouth and Marissa's back arched again, of its own accord. Alex bit down softly and Marissa moaned. She could feel Alex's body against every part of her's, every inch of skin, every hard bone, every lean muscle. Alex's breasts were pressed against Marissa's stomach, her knees straddling Marissa's thighs. Alex kissed her between her breasts and then licked and kissed and nipped her way down Marissa's stomach. Pausing at her hip she kissed the prominent bones there, running a soft pointer finger down them. Marissa sighed with the slow torture. Then, Alex slid down off the side of the bed where Marissa's legs were hanging off and kissed Marissa right on her center.

"Alex." Marissa moaned softly, her fingers gripping at the bed covers but finding no purchase. She licked Marissa, up and down, her tongue nudging her center in circles. She was driving Marissa crazy, the brunette arching toward Alex's mouth. Alex's hands were on her thighs, holding her almost mindless thrusts down. But a soft request lingered in the back of Marissa's mind. Marissa forced her eyes open, through the Alex-induced haze that was surrounding her.

"Alex?" Marissa's voice was so quiet it was almost overtaken by the silence in the room, even though she could barely hear for the pounding of her heart in her ears. Marissa felt Alex's mouth leave her and the blonde's thumb take its place, gently stroking. Marissa pushed toward the finger and looked down to see Alex's clear blue eyes, slightly hooded by lust, looking up at her questionly. The other girl climbed onto the bed, coming closer, doubt and a fear that Marissa hated growing in her eyes. Her finger never left Marissa's clit and when she pushed only a little bit harder, the other girl's eyes fluttered shut. Alex let a small smile overcome her mouth. Marissa finally opened her eyes again, her hips moving with the rythmn of Alex's fingers. "I just..." Her words faded under her breathless voice. "I just want you up here with me." She said softly. Alex's heart soared, hearing those words, the throbbing in her legs growing. She leaned down and kissed her and slid two fingers into her. Marissa bit down on the blonde's lip quickly then released. Alex straddled her again, kneeling high above her. She pushed her fingers farther into Marissa and harder, increasing her rythmn. She leaned down and nipped at Marissa's ear, tasting the soft skin there. She smelled like victoria's secret, Alex thought randomly.

Marissa's hands came to Alex's face, cupping it with her fingers as Alex went into her harder and faster, till Marissa's breath was coming in gasps and her body was pushing back. Alex thumb came down, stroking firmly down Marissa's center and Marissa felt all of her muscles clench, her back arch, her legs tighten, her walls closing around Alex's fingers inside her, pleasure rolling over her for what felt like forever. "Alex." She whispered brokenly. Then they all relased, all at the same time and she shuddered. Her body and mind slowly returned to earth. Everything felt fuzzy. Her fingers were still on Alex's face as the other girl placed reassuring kisses on her nose, her cheeks. Alex's fingers pulled out of her and Marissa felt almost empty without them. She slid her fingers down to the blonde's waist and pulled her down, capturing her lips in a quick kiss. Alex rolled off of her, wrapping her arms around the younger girl. Marissa sighed once, looking up into Alex eyes. She smiled gently, lovingly, and fell asleep. Alex tightened her grip around the younger girl and felt sleep come over her as well.


	16. conversations with hints of conversions

**i feel like this whole long-break-then-apologize thing is becoming sort of a habit, so i'm gonna apologize for that as well as the long break. i had this whole thing the past week and literally wasn't near a computer the entire time. but, on the silver lining side, i am now completley focused and relaxed. so...here's your afterglow chapter, lol.**

**and im glad you liked the last chapter, cuz i was kind of nervous about it.**

**enjoy!**

**Chapter Fifteen: conversations with hints of the conversions **

Alex sat at the island in her kitchen, absently stirring her coffee. The newspaper lay in front of her, but her gaze was drawn outside. The sun was glowing, barely peeking through the early morning clouds. It was a beach morning. She would have felt glorious even without it. Alex's eyes flicked to the sink when her bread popped out of the toaster. She lay the spoon against the edge of the cup and got off her stool. Halfway there, out of the corner of her eye, she saw someone standing in the doorway. She turned and smiled softly at Marissa, standing there in one of her old t-shirts.

"Hey." She said, changing direction and going toward Marissa. Marissa didn't say anything, her eyes focused out the window. For a second Alex's heart stopped, as did her feet. Marissa regretted their night. Well, okay, their half an hour quickie. Marissa regretted it. If Marissa had acted like it hadn't happened, if she had called it a one night stand, if she'd broken off their friendship, hell, if she ran off again then Alex could deal with it. That meant that Marissa thought it was wrong. But if she really and truly regretted it, but still wanted to be friends? Then that meant that Marissa wished it hadn't happened. That she would take it back in an instant, and Alex couldn't live with that. Then Marissa looked over at Alex and she smiled crookedly and her whole face lit up, her eyes sparkilng. Alex's doubts faded away, leaving her slightly surprised at the rush of emotions that had just flooded through her.

"Hey." Marissa returned. Alex grinned back and walked over and kissed Marissa on the cheek. Marissa moved away, then kissed Alex full on the lips, her fingers lingering on her waist.. "Morning." Marissa said, into Alex's mouth, and then took over Alex's vacated chair. She spun the spoon through the coffee once and then took a long sip. Alex took a plate out of the cabinet and put her toast on it.

"Are you going to school?" Alex asked, opening the fridge door. Marissa nodded, though she really wanted to just stay with Alex all day.

"Yeah, I have a english test and my mom will kick me out again if I don't take it. Though I don't know how I'm going to survive without seeing you all day." Marissa said, flipping through the paper. She glanced up and smiled shyly, blushing at Alex who kissed her on the forehead. She took another sip of the coffee as Alex hopped up on the counter next to her. Marissa stole a piece of toast of Alex's plate and then stood up, downing the last of the coffee. "I have to go." She said glancing down at her watch. She leaned over at kissed Alex long and soft, taking the other girl by surprise. Alex wasn't exactly used to tender. The kiss lasted forever, both of them getting drawn into each other. Marissa pulled back, finally, smiling. "I really have to go." She said, stepping back.

"Alright. See you after school?" Alex asked, after a second of getting her thoughts back in her head. She slid off the counter with a piece of toast in her hand. Marissa flashed her a smile and then leaned over and gave her another quick kiss.

"Yeah." Marissa called back, walking out of the kitchen. Alex smiled again and sat down on the stool.

"You might want to put some pants on before you leave the apartment." Alex called over her shoulder.

"Good idea." Marissa called back and Alex heard her change direction. Alex smiled.

IOIOI

Marissa stood in front of her locker, smiling to herself. The buzz of students rushing around her barely broke through her distracted mind. She was humming some song she had heard on the radio and randomly sorting through her books. She wasn't exactly paying attention to... well, anything. The second bell rang loudly and she glanced at the clock in her locker. She was going to be really late.

She grabbed a couple books, yanking herself from thinking of Alex. Oh god, she was so gay! And so hopelessly head over heels. She wondered how she hadn't noticed till, well, last week. And last night. She smiled again, thinking of the night before. She pushed her locker closed to find Summer leaning against the one next to her's. Summer caught sight of Marissa's smile and opened her mouth in shock. Marissa tried to wipe the smile off her face.

"Oh my god where were you first period? And last night?" Summer asked. "I know that smile!" Marissa flashed her a nervous smile.

"Uh, what smile? I was at Alex's all night.. and morning." Marissa said, starting down the hall. Summer followed her.

"Uh-uh. I know that smile, that's your morning after smile." Summer nudged Marissa. "C'mon, who was it?" She asked and Marissa shrugged.

"I was just at Alex's." She clung to the truth. Summer stopped walking when they reached her classroom. She looked suspicious, eyeing Marissa carefully. Marissa half-turned, walking backwards.

"I'm going to find out eventually." Summer said threatenly as she opened the door to her room. Marissa shrugged innocently and tried to keep the tell-tale smile off her face. She turned forward again, walking to her classroom, and felt that smile creep back onto her face.

IOIOIO

Alex stood in front of her kitchen window, her coffee forgotten in her hand. She was thinking. Okay, more like daydreaming. Of Marissa. The front door flew open and Alex turned slowly from her daydreaming, knowing it was either Jodie or a robber, and she wasn't looking forward to either. Although she would take the robber any day.

"I'm in here." Alex called to whoever was in the living room. Jodie walked in, looking confused, her eyeliner smudged and her eyes slightly blood-shot.

"Why are there pillows all over the living room?"

"No reason." Alex shrugged and headed for the door.

"You two had a pillow fight, didn't you?" Jodie said dryly, grabbing Alex's coffee out of her hand.

"You two?" Alex frowned, feigning innocence.

"You know exactly who I'm talking about. I saw you in bed when I came in last night." Jodie said, raising an eyebrow. She took a sip of the coffee.

"We weren't doing anything." Alex said defensively. Jodie laughed.

"Oh my god, I was right. I didn't even come home last night. You are so predictable, Al." Alex rolled her eyebrows and took her coffee back from Jodie.

"I'm going to work. " She said. "You can't tease me when I'm the one paying the rent." Alex walked into the living room. Jodie laughed and called after her.

"Never stopped me before. Or you for that matter." Alex kept walking. "You're going to end up doing her!" Alex ignored her and walked out the door. She'd already "done her". Alex smiled. But she wasn't going to tell Jodie that.


	17. plenty of reevaluation to go round

**Chapter Sixteen: plenty of re-evaluation to go round**

Alex was wiping down some tables when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She tossed her rag into a bucket and slid her phone out of her pocket. She glanced at the caller ID. Marissa. Alex brought her phone up to her ear.

"Hey." Alex was smiling, but a bit cautious. She didn't know how Marissa was feeling right now.

"Hey. What are you doing?"

"I'm at the Bait Shop." She paused. "Are you in school?"

"Alex Kelly. Me, skip school? Of course I'm at school." Alex laughed.

"What's up?"

"Can't I just call my girlfriend? Do I need a reason?"

"I think that depends on whether your girlfriend is real or not." There was a pause.

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk about. You wanna meet me and Summer and some other people for lunch?"

"Would those other people include a certain dark-haired boy who climbed on my roof last week?"

"Actually, it would. You still wanna come?"

"Of course. Where?" Alex hopped onto the stage and swung her feet back and forth.

"How bout that diner on the boardwalk?"

"Ok. I'll see you at like twelve?"

"Sounds good. Does Jodie want to come?"

"Actually, she's packing. She's going back to L.A. tonight."

"Really? Why?"

"Something about hotter chicks." Marissa laughed.

"Right. Well, I gotta go."

"Ok. I'll see you in a little bit."

"Bye."

"Bye." Alex closed the phone and leaned back on her hands. _that's what i wanted to talk about_. . .Marissa's words replayed in Alex's head. God knows how this would go. Alex glanced at her phone. 47 minutes of freaking out about it.

Marissa put her phone back in her purse and walked into her PE class fifteen minutes late, as usual. She really hated PE. She handed a note to her teacher.

"Sprained hamstring _again_, Ms. Cooper?" Her large PE teacher asked, her glasses slipping down her nose.

"Yeah." The teacher gave her a look, but Marissa just brushed past her to sit down at the bleachers. After a few minutes she slipped her phone out and started texting Summer.

**M: r you still coming to lunch?**

Summer glanced down at her phone, which was sitting strategically in her purse. New text message, it read. She quickly reached down to pick it up and read the screen.

**S: yeah, where?**

**M: the diner. alex is coming.**

**S: really?**

**M: yeah, you mind?**

**S: no, y would i mind?**

**M: idk. who's coming?**

**S: seth, ryan, lindsay, you, alex, zach, anna. i think that's all.**

**M: are zach and anna still going out?**

**S: yeah. weird huh?**

**M: at least she's not after seth**

**S: very true. see u at lunch. we have still have to talk about this morning!**

**M: yeah, nothing to talk about!**

Marissa put her phone back in her pocket. She leaned back against the bleachers, waiting for the bell to ring so that she could see Alex.

Alex pulled into the parking lot of the diner. From where she was parked she could see into the big glass windows that wrapped around the resturaunt. Everyone else was there already, crammed beside each other at two tables. The couples: Seth and Summer, Ryan and Lindsay, and Zach and Anna; were sitting close together, hands on arms, legs touching. She felt out of place all the sudden. Everyone in there thought that she and Marissa were fake dating and she didn't have to put on a show for them, so why was she here? How were she and Marissa supposed to act?

Alex ignored her fears and stepped out of the car. As she walked closer she caught sight of Marissa. She was sitting next to Summer, an empty chair on the other side. She looked happy, but she kept glancing toward the door, as if waiting for someone. Alex smiled to herself. She walked through the door, a bell clanging over her head. Marissa glanced up. When she saw Alex she grinned. _Hey_. She mouthed. _Hey_. Alex mouthed, smiling back. _Bathroom? _Marissa nodded, a smile still on her face.

Alex hopped up on the sinks in the bathroom, glancing around. When the door opened she tilted her head. Marissa walked in and shut the door behind her. She locked it. Alex hopped down off the counter, grinning.

"Is that really necessary?" Alex asked. Marissa grinned back, walking over to Alex and putting her arms around her waist. She pushed her back against the counter and kissed her. They both pulled back after a minute, Marissa's arms around Alex's waist, Alex's hands in Marissa's hair.

"Hey." Marissa said softly.

"Hey." Alex leaned her forehead against Marissa's and then distangled herself from the brunette, stepping around her but staying close. "What did you want to talk about?" Marissa leaned back against the sinks.

"Us. The bet, I guess."

"You mean how we're fake dating, but we're. . .not?"

"Yeah." Marissa paused. "I want us to really be together. I want to be your girlfriend." Marissa looked up at Alex with those big green eyes and Alex took a step forward, smiling.

"I want to be your girlfriend, too." Marissa smiled and kissed Alex, hard and quick.

"Is it really that easy?"

"It's that easy." Alex said. Marissa smiled again. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

"Ok. You want to go eat?"

"Yeah."

"And do you mind not telling anybody yet? I have to tell Summer first or she'll kill me."

"Yeah, ok." They stepped out of the bathroom, both realizing at the same time that that was a bit obvious. Marissa blushed, but kept walking. Alex just smiled.


	18. widened eyes and skipping smiles

**ok first off i miss this story! i just like...stopped writing it for some reason. and i love it. anyway, this is kind of a weird, ok chapter. whatever. the next one i really like. so..enjoy! and i love reviews.**

**and this is driving me crazy, so do any of you remember a story that was like based around the idea of loving annabelle w/ alex as the teacher and marissa as the student and it was insanely good and now i can't find it? cause its driving me crazy! i kno it was on here, i just can't find it. help me?**

**Chapter Seventeen: widened eyes and skipping smiles**

Julie Cooper had a tell-tale smile. It was one of those condesending smirks that you have to really perfect over the years. A lot of patronizing, a bit of arrogance, a dash of smart ass. She had perfected it, twisted it, used it so many times in her relatively short life that it was a part of her now. And when she brought that smirk out, for instance now, it meant trouble.

"You're what?' She asked, her lips forming the words around the smirk. But her eyes gave her away. They looked almost terrified, at the least shocked.

"Uh...gay." Marissa repeated, reaching behind her to lace her fingers through Alex's. The blonde girl squeezed them comfortingly. Julie was still regarding them, her hands braced behind her on the counter.

"Well sweetie, that's..." She trailed off, her eyes going to Alex. Marissa knew her mom. She was too tactful, too polite, too Newport to say anything openly hostile in front of both of them. She was too Newport to say anything open at all. An awkward silence fell between them. "If that's what you..." Julie started. Again the sentence was left hanging. Another pause and then Marissa felt Alex tug lightly at her hand.

"Well, Mom, we're gonna go, so...I'll talk to you about this later." It was probably better to let her have some time. Julie nodded listlessy. Of all the shocking things her daughter could have told her, this was the most unexpected. This was just...odd.

Alex trailed after Marissa toward the girl's Mustang. They crossed the huge hall of Marissa's step-father's house, silence hanging between them. It was like Marissa's mom's confusion had seeped between them, sending the same thoughts into their minds. Alex finally caught up to Marissa and caught her hand. She turned her around and pushed her back against her car. Capturing Marissa's lips with her's, she reassured the brunette in a way words couldn't have done.

When Alex pulled away, Marissa left her eyes closed, a slight smile on her face.

"Well that's one way to bring me back to earth." She said softly, opening her eyes. Alex smiled back, just as gently.

"And here's to hoping that was the worst one." Alex raised an eyebrow and Marissa sighed, a smile on her face. She walked around the car and slipped in, turning the key in the ignition.

"Ready for round two on Out Me Day?" Marissa asked. Alex looked over at the other girl and couldn't help the laughter.

"What day?" Alex asked and Marissa smiled a little sheepishly.

"Did I say that out loud? Marissa asked, turning a corner. Alex laughed again.

"What day?"

"Out Me Day."

"Out Me Day." Alex repeated. She grinned. She leaned over and kissed her girlfriend on the lips while they paused at a stop sign. "You know, I really like you."

"Well that's good, cause I really... like me too." Marissa finished, turning away, a slight smirk on her face. Alex grinned again and turned Marissa's face back to her's. She kissed her softly, but Marissa's tongue danced out onto the blonde's lips and Alex pulled her closer. Smoothly, she climbed onto Marissa's lap. Hidden in that red Mustang, they kissed, stalled in front of a stop sign. Marissa's hands ran up Alex's shirt.

_Beep!!_ Somewhere behind them a car protested their position on the street.They broke apart, laughing, and Alex sat back in her seat. Twining their fingers together, Marissa squealed away.

>>

Summer's eyes widened, flicking back from Alex to Marissa, then back to Alex. And back to Marissa.

"Really?" She asked. Marissa nodded nervously, biting her lip. Summer shrugged.

"Ok."

"Really?" Marissa asked, eyebrows raising.

"Sure." Summer said. Then she smiled and opened her arms to her best friend. "I'll always love you Coop." She said, hugging Marissa close to her. She saw Alex watching them and gestured for the girl to come closer. "Group hug." Summer grinned. She wrapped her favorite girl and her favorite girl's favorite girl in a hug. She paused.

"Ok, this is getting kind of awkward."

>>

"Are you kidding me? Really? Really really? For real?" Seth was practically bouncing with excitement. Then he did bounce. Twice. He ran over and grasped Marissa in a hug, and then Alex. "I am a matchmaker. This is my calling." He pause. "Really?" Alex and Marissa nodded again, for about the twentieth time. He grinned uncontrollably. "I seriously love you both."

>>

Ryan's facial expression didn't change. Then, his eyebrows rose. He still didn't say anything. His eyebrows fell back down.

"To tell you the truth, I kind of guessed." Alex and Marissa exchanged a look. "Ok, I had no idea. That's great though. You know, or...that's great." He smiled awkwardly. Alex and Marissa exchanged another look.

"Ok, we'll see you later." Marissa said. Another look passed between the two. They stepped out of the poolhouse and Alex turned to Marissa.

"That was awkward."

>>

Alex and Marissa leaned on the railing on the top floor of the Bait Shop. Their arms pressed together, casual goosebumps rising at the casual contact. Marissa turned and met Alex's eyes. The blonde girl turned her back on the band below them and leaned back against the railing. Marissa grinned.

"Out Me Day is alomst over." She said. Alex laughed at the name. She leaned over and kissed Marissa quickly.

"I say we do something memorable" Alex said. She grabbed Marissa's hand and pulled her down the stairs.

On the beach, Alex dropped down on the sand, a few feet from the water. Marissa sat close to her, resting her head on the older girl's shoulder.

"Tide just changed." Alex said softly. Marissa looked up at the girl. She smiled softly and kissed her.


	19. and a world changes in a week

**thanx for all the reviews. they make me smile. im gonna start posting more often, because, apparently, i got over my writer's block. plus im sorta sick, which means lots of sitting around.**

**Chapter Eighteen: and a world changes in a week**

Marissa stretched out on the sand, letting the warm sun just wash over her. She must have been on the beach for hours, because the red blotch that was the sun in her eyes had passed from the left side of her sight to the right. She sat up, leaning back on her elbows and looked over at Alex who was lying next to her. The blonde's eyes were closed, her body covered by a barely there bikini, and Marissa let her eyes wander down the girl's legs and then back up her stomach to her chest, finally returning to her face. Alex's eyes were open, light blue and amused as they regarded Marissa's own wandering eyes. She smiled, not saying anything as Marissa blushed under her constant gaze.

"Ready to go?" Alex asked, after a few seconds had passed. Marissa nodded.

"Yeah, I think I'm pretty much brown by now." She smiled and stood up, stretching her slow muscles, and picked up her towel, shaking the sand from it. Alex followed her, dangling her own towel from her fingers. They walked up the boardwalk, intertwining their fingers together, the fading sun on their backs. They climbed into Alex's car, tossing their towels in the back.

"Where are we going?" Marissa asked. Alex shrugged, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

"No, let's go to your apartment." Marissa said. Alex raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Really, Ms. Cooper?" Marissa smiled and rolled her eyes. Ever since that night a week or so ago, that release of pent up passion, they had taken it slow. Long kisses and soft touches and an obvious avoidance of the bedroom.

"Yeah, really." Marissa knew that Alex was letting her take it slow, letting her use as much time as she needed. But she had realized that she knew how she felt and she knew that she was ready, the same way she had been ready that morning in the bathroom. They stopped at a red light and Alex looked over at Marissa, tucking a strand of light brown hair behind her ear.

"Ok. My place it is." Marissa leaned forward and kissed Alex, slow but short. Marissa pulled away and Alex kept her eyes closed, opening them to smile at Marissa. The light changed and she pulled away, heading toward her apartment. Marissa's phone rang from somewhere on the floor and she leaned down to pick it up. Summer.

"Hey." Marissa answered. She heard Summer sigh.

"Finally Coop. I've been calling you all day. Where have you been?" Marissa glanced over at Alex.

"I was at the beach with Alex."

"Just because you have a girlfriend and you're in love doesn't mean you get to forget about your best friend." Summer said. Marissa smiled.

"I didn't forget about you Sum."

"Good. Ok, guess what? Seth said he'd take me to L.A. to see Deathcab!!" Marissa pulled the phone away from her ear at the scream. She looked over at Alex.

"Oh god." She said.

"What?" Alex asked. She could hear the screams all the way from Marissa's phone.

"Deathcab." Marissa pulled the phone back up to her ear. "Really? When?"

"Tonight! I got tickets. You wanna come?"

"Really? You're giving me tickets to Deathcab? You don't want to, like, keep as many people out as possible so that you can get closer to the stage?" Summer paused.

"Oh wait. I didn't think about that. Uh. . ."

"Summer! I was kidding! Do you have one for Alex?"

"Um. . .no?"

"Summer, you are going to be able to see Deathcab fine."

"Fine. Yes, I do. So you wanna come?" Summer asked. Marissa pulled the phone away again.

"Do you wanna see Deathcab tonight with Seth and Summer? I promise I'll make it up to you later. . ." Alex glanced over at Marissa who raised her eyebrow suggestively.

"How can I say no to an offer like that?" Alex said, smiling at Marissa. She looked back to the road.

"You can't." Marissa told Alex. She turned back to the phone. "Ok, we'll meet you at your house at like seven, ok?"

"Ok! This is going to be so cool!!" Summer almost yelled over the phone.

"Yeah, yeah." Marissa said and closed the phone. The pulled onto Alex's street. "Sorry we aren't going to get to spend tonight alone." She said.

"Oh, I don't know. The concert can't take up the whole night. And besides, there's always bathrooms." Alex smirked at Marissa who play hit her.

"I would be insulted, except I was thinking the same thing." Marissa said, joking. Alex pulled up next to her apartment and leaned over to kiss Marissa again. She ran her tongue over Marissa's lips. Marissa pulled away and leaned her forehead against Alex's. "You know...we don't have to be there until seven, and its only four o'clock."

"I like the way you think." Alex said. They both smiled and stepped out of the car. Alex reached the door first and fumbled with her keys. Just when she found the right one Marissa stepped up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist, standing right behind her. She kissed Alex right below her ear. Alex dropped her keys.

When she turned around to get them Marissa caught her hand and slid her fingers between the other girl's. She pushed her up against the door and kissed her hard, hungry. She slid her other hand around Alex and grabbed the doorknob, turning it. It was unlocked.

"You know, someone is going to steal all my stuff one day." Alex said, her hands on Marissa's back, pulling at the strings of her bathing suit.

"Or, we're going to have to actually lock the door." Marissa said, tugging at Alex's bathing suit bottoms. She kicked the door shut. Just as her mouth returned to Alex's, they both heard a nervous cough. They stopped quickly and glanced at where it came from. Sitting on Alex's couch was a scruffy, skinny but muscled guy. He wore baggy cargo pants and a white wifebeater, his hair sticking up everywhere, five o'clock shadow on his face. He was hot, in a dark sort of rough way that Marissa recognized, but that paled in comparison to the blonde beside her.

"Hey Alex." He said nervously. Alex frowned, her hands still on Marissa.

"We really should lock the door."


	20. the old memories

**thanx for the reviews...and yes, of course this means drama! what would a fic be w/out drama? ...and i love my drama. enjoy!**

**Chapter Nineteen: the old memories that threaten the new ones**

"We really should lock the door." Alex said, stepping in front of Marissa who was trying to hold her bathing suit up. "What are you doing here?"

"Alex, I'm gonna go change." Marissa said, walking back to the bedroom.

"Ok." Alex said, watching her go. She looked back at the guy. "I said, what are you doing here Reed?" The guy leaned back, looking around Alex's apartment, and ignored her question.

"You got yourself a pretty nice place here." He said, trailing his hand over the seams in the couch. Alex felt a flash of annoyance, remembering that morning when she and Marissa had sat just where he was, waking each other up with clumsy kisses and sleep-slow hands. "And a pretty nice girlfriend, if looks are anything to judge by." Alex's eyes narrowed. How could he even think that he could just step back into her life? And then talk about Marissa?

"What the hell do you want?" Alex asked. Reed glanced up at the anger in her voice. He sighed and leaned forward on his knees, his eyes dropping from her's.

"I never wanted this to happen Kelly, but I need your help." Alex crossed her arms over herself, suddenly feeling uncovered in her bathing suit. Of all her exes, of course it had to be Reed who tracked her down to ask for her help. The one person she really owed and couldn't deny.

"Help with what?" Alex asked. Marissa walked back into the room, dressed in jeans and a camisole and handed Alex a robe that she wrapped around herself. Reed glanced up at the other girl, and gave Alex a look. "Yeah?" Alex asked at the look, reading it easily. There was a familarity between them that Marissa saw clearly.

"You think we could maybe do this in private?" He asked, glancing back at Marissa.

"No, because I'll just end up telling her later. You might as well save me the trouble." Reed sighed, and leaned back again, placing his hands behind his head. The second his head touched the back of the sofa, he pushed himself up, and stood up, nervously pacing to the other end of the room.

"I owe some people some money. Ok, a lot of money. And I need somewhere to stay until I can get it all back."

"You can get it all back? What, with your crack dealing again? I don't think so Reed, you're not selling _anything_ illegal out of my home again." Marissa glanced over at the word _again_, but didn't say anything. Knowing what she did about Alex, she knew that her past would come up every now and then. She just wished this wasn't a now. Reed turned quickly, something flashing in his eyes that made Marissa's heart clench with fear, flash back to Trey. Made her wonder what Alex's past was with this guy.

"You owe me Alex." He said. Alex glanced away, thinking something over. After a minute or so, she looked back.

"Fine. You can stay here." Marissa glanced over at Alex with surprise. From the way this guy was acting, she figured Alex would have shown him the door before he even got two words out.

"Alex-" Marissa started, but was cut off.

"I'll explain later." Alex caught Marissa's gaze. "I promise. Look, Reed, you can move your stuff in later, ok? We'll be gone in a couple hours."

"What do you expect me to do 'til then?"

"I don't know, go get a tan or something." Reed caught the look Alex was giving him and put his hands up in defense.

"Fine, a few hours." He brushed past them and out the door. After the door had shut behind him, Marissa turned to Alex.

"Explain."

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

Alex was piling dishes from the sink into the dishwasher, Marissa leaning forward on the island behind her. Marissa studied the blonde's back.

"Are you ever going to tell me how you know that guy?" Marissa asked, spinning a spoon around on the counter. Alex glanced back at her.

"Look, he's just somebody that I knew once. He didn't mean much then and he still doesn't."

"Alex. Stop lying to me. If he didn't mean much he'd been at somebody else's house right now, begging to stay there."

"Marissa, please, just drop it, ok?" Alex closed the dishwasher with her foot and walked around the island to Marissa. Marissa stepped away and Alex stopped where she was, hurt. "Can we please not fight about this? He'll be gone in a few days and then we can talk about it. For now can we just pretend like he's not here?" Alex gave Marissa a pleading look.

"Alex." Marissa warned. "No. Do not try to use the pout." Alex stepped closer, pursing her lips into a soft pout, blue eyes looking up at Marissa. Marissa stepped back, smiling. Alex grinned and laced her fingers between Marissa's, which were held in front of her face. She pushed them down to her waist and leaned forward.

"Please?" She said quietly, leaning foward and looking at Marissa's mouth.

"M'kay." Marissa managed to mutter before Alex's lips met her's. They kissed and Marissa pulled away first. She put one finger on Alex's lips. "But only because I like you." She said, she leaned forward and kissed Alex quickly. "And we have to get ready for Deathcab." She slid out from Alex and headed toward the bedroom.

"I can't wait!" Alex called after her, a bit sarcastic. She leaned back against the island and folded her arms, her thoughts going back to Reed. She frowned.


	21. it just takes a song and a girl

**Chapter Twenty: forgetting the real world just takes a song and a girl**

Marissa climbed into the backseat of Seth's Range Rover. In the front seat, Seth was playing with the radio. Summer slapped him on the hand.

"Will you just pick a station?" She said. Seth grabbed her hand and kissed it. Summer tried to pull her hand away, both of them laughing.

"As long as its not one that ever plays anything even remotely related to country." He agreed. Summer laughed.

"Ok, it was one Wreckers song, it does not make me a country hick."

"And you just happened to know all the words?" Seth asked.

"Its a good song!" Seth laughed and let go of Summer's hand. Summer crossed her arms.

"I think its cute that you like to listen to country." He said. Marissa smiled at the two of them. Alex climbed in next to her and Marissa leaned over to kiss her, overhwlemed by a sudden rush of feelings. Seeing Seth and Summer together and then realizing that she and Alex had that, no matter what stupid guy was moving in, it made her smile. When she pulled away, she looked in the rearview mirror to see Seth staring at them. Alex saw it too.

"Ok, Summer call your boyfriend off." Alex said, putting her hand on Marissa's on the soft leather.

"You know, I'm taking credit for bringing you two together." Seth said, pulling out of the Roberts driveway.

"Yeah, by getting plastered at my bar and barely winning a bet. Nice job Seth." Alex said, smirking. Marissa and Summer laughed.

"And as me also being your ride to Deathcab, I suggest that you be nice to me."

"You love Deathcab more than Summer does." Marissa said.

"More than Summer! Seth, I didn't think that was possible." Alex said, faking shock. She smirked. "And isn't Deathcab just a group of cute twenty-something guys?"

"Well, so was AC/DC when they started!" Seth said defensively. Marissa rolled her eyes. She had heard this conversation between Alex and Seth before.

"Angus Young was definitely not cute."

"Says the lesbian!"

"Ok, first off, lesbians can tell if a guy is hot or not too! We're not, like, colorblind to hottness or something! And second, I'm bisexual!"

"Oh, excuses, excuses. . ." Seth pulled onto the freeway, ranting on about something to do with ugly rock bands. Marissa leaned back against the leather and smiled at Alex, who was giving it back to Seth just as fast as he gave it to her. Marissa met eyes with Summer in the front seat and smiled. Summer smiled back, both girls amused with their significant others.

The club was packed, music blaring from at least ten speakers, lights flashing. Walking inside was like walking into a wave of heat. Marissa looked over at Alex and smiled.

"Wanna dance?" She asked, grabbing Alex's hand, who grinned back. Alex swung her arm.

"Of course." They headed toward the dance floor. Summer and Seth grabbed a table, which was pretty easy, considering everyone was dancing. Summer looked at Seth with pouty eyes.

"Please?" She asked. He sighed.

"Summer, I really can't dance." She looked away, disappointed and Seth relented. "But if you really want to see some of the Seth Cohen moves, I will make an exception." He said grandly. He got off the stool and Summer, grinning, pulled him onto the dance floor. After they had been dancing for a little while, the music got quieter and some guy got onto the stage.

"Would you all please welcome...Deathcab For Cutie!!!!!" He yelled and the crowd went crazy. Alex and Marissa made their way to Summer and Seth. They had their arms wrapped around each other, both looking up at the stage like nothing could ever be more important than this moment. Marissa smiled at Alex and both of them went and stood in front of the couple, Marissa in front of Seth, Alex in front of Summer, right in their line of view. Seth and Summer broke apart, went around Marissa and Alex, barely acknowledging them, and then wrapped their arms around each other again. Marissa and Alex looked at each other and laughed.

Alex leaned forward, still smiling, and put her arms around Marissa's waist. She leaned her forehead on the other girl's. Marissa smiled softly, rubbing her nose against the Alex's. Guitar notes drifted out of the speakers. Alex leaned over and whispered in Marissa's ear.

"So...bathroom?"


	22. tears fall to wash mistakes

**nice long chapter...i kind of randomly went in and added like four paragraphs, but i like it. enjoy!**

**Chapter Twenty-One: tears fall to wash away the stains of mistakes long past**

Alex laughed, glancing over at Marissa who smiled back. She was pleased that Alex thought it was funny. She loved making the older girl laugh. Alex tucked a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Ok, well what about the time he fell off the car?" Alex asked, glancing over again, and Marissa laughed.

"Which time?" Marissa asked, eyebrow raised. Alex grinned. They pulled into her driveway, their laughter dying down. Alex cut the ignition, but neither moved.

They were staring at the apartment. All the lights were on, at two in the morning, pouring out of the blinds onto the cement below even though they had turned them off when they left. Alex sighed and stepped out of the car, something final in her steady steps. Marissa was right behind her, sliding out of the passenger seat and quickly shutting the door behind her. When Alex reached the door, she paused, body tense. Marissa reached out, wanting to touch the girl, offer support or comfort. Offer something. But Alex opened the door and walked inside before Marissa's hand could connect with anything but air. Marissa sighed softly and followed Alex inside.

Lying on the couch was Reed. He looked dead asleep, even with all the lights on. Lying on the coffee table was a flat mirror, white powder flecks decorating the edge. Marissa sent Alex a look, but the other girl was merely staring at the coffee table.

"What the hell Alex?" Marissa asked, crossing her arms. The words echoed cold and harsh in the blaringly bright, utterly empty feeling apartment. Alex turned and shushed her, her eyes blazing with feeling. Marissa took a step back, surprised by the ferocity in Alex's gesture. Alex immeadiatley regretted it and she went toward Marissa, hands moving up in a apologizing gesture. But Marissa stepped away, the damage already done. There was hurt in her eyes that made Alex hurt, knowing she had caused it.

"No, Marissa I-you don't want to wake him when he's like this." Alex said quietly. Marissa glared, the hurt giving way to frustrated, confused anger.

"Yeah, actually, I do. I want him awake and gone." Marissa said.

"I can't do that."

"I would be more ready to believe that if you would tell me why, Alex." Alex looked helpless. She didn't want Marissa to know that...that part of her past. She wanted to protect her.

"Marissa, I can't--it..." Marissa glared.

"Yeah, well, when you can, come find me." She turned and left, closing the door hard behind her. Alex sighed heavily, crossing her arms and turning to Reed. She had to hold her arms tight around her or she knew she would start in on Reed. Him lying there, screwing with the life she had been slowly building and looking like he couldn't give a fuck, wouldn't give a fuck. It made her angrier than she had been in a long time.

IOIO

Marissa started walking. She didn't have the keys to her car, they were somewhere in the apartment, so she was stuck on foot. It wasn't exactly the safest place or time to be out walking alone, but Marissa hoped that she would make it to the diner before anything could happen. It was only about half a mile away. She looked down as she walked, focusing on the ground to try to push away the tears. This was her and Alex's first fight, she realized. Some part of her mind was looking ahead to the future, to the makeup sex. She smiled ruefully. Most of her was focused on the present. She crossed her arms, blinking away tears.

She was angry, not because Alex was letting Reed stay at the apartment, Marissa knew what it was like to have friends that needed you. She was mad because Alex wouldn't trust her. She didn't trust Marissa enough to tell her the truth about Reed, about why he was sleeping on her couch when he was obviously not worthy of the floor. That's what hurt. She wanted to mean something to Alex, and meaning something meant knowing something. Marissa took a shaky breath and looked up to the see the diner's gaudy lights glaring from the distance.

IOIO

Alex was back in her car driving slowly and, she had thought, aimlessly around Newport. Turns out she was heading somewhere specific. Barely recognizing the sights that passed her, but seeing enough to know where she was going. To Seth Cohen's house. Or, more importantly, Sandy Cohen's house. Sort of crazy, definitely stupid, but completely what she was doing at the moment.

She pulled into the driveway, a million thoughts crowding her mind. Like, where the hell was Marissa? Was she ok? Was Reed awake yet? Would Marissa go back home 'cos that woul be bad for everyone involved. Alex felt an involuntary shiver run through her spine. She had seen Reed at his worst and she didn't want Marissa anywhere near that, much less getting the brunt of it. Hell, Alex herself would take it before she let Marissa get hurt.

Alex slid down out of her Jeep and started down the long driveway. Shoving her hands in her pockets, she looked up at the huge house. A purple strand wavered across her face and her eyes felt dry, after letting tears escape. She hated fighting with the people she lov-, liked. She hated fighting with her friends, and Marissa was so much more.

She hurried her footsteps to the front door and rang the doorbell, twice. Steps echoed down the hall and the door flew open. Summer stood there and Alex stepped back a bit, thrown off.

"Summer? I thought this was Cohen's house..." Alex said. Summer, frowning a little, but happy to see Alex, shrugged.

"Yeah, but its pretty much mine too. What's up?" Summer asked, moving back to let Alex inside. Stepping through the door, Alex considered how much to tell the younger girl.

"I, uh...I need to talk to Mr. Cohen." Alex said, shoving her hands in her pockets like she always did when she was nervous. Or angry. Tonight she was feeling an odd mixture of both, which was impairing her thought process and her reactions. It was imparing her everything. Summer's frown deepened.

"Sandy? Why?" Alex studied the light marble floor beneath her and tried to come up with an easy answer.

"I just do." She said. _Nice one, Kelly_. Alex thought. She could feel Summer's eyes prying into her, trying to retrieve answers that Alex was much too good at hiding. Summer tilted her head down, searching for Alex's eyes.

"Is it about Marissa?" She asked slowly. Alex shook her head quickly, shooting her eyes up to the brunette before her. Her heart was still thumping, scared for Marissa and of Reed. Hurt, more than anything, though she had caused it herself.

"No. No, this is my problem." Alex forced her hands out of her pockets and met Summer's eyes bravely. She knew she had to do this, if only for Marissa. Hell, maybe even for Reed. "Look, I, uh...I just need a lawyer to talk to, about some legal stuff, that's all. Its not that big of a deal. " Alex partially lied. Summer's eyes stayed on her's doubtfully for a moment, but she accepted it quickly.

"Mr. Cohen!" Summer called, tilting her head back to send her words through the house. Alex heard the soft squeal of a chair being pushed back and then slow, calm footsteps making their way toward her. Sudden nervousness gripped her, making her stomach drop oddly. Her eyes stayed trained on the kitchen doorway, until Mr. Cohen walked out.

He wasn't all that impressive. Slightly wrinkled blue dress shirt, black dress pants. Sock feet. His hair was messy, but his eyes were bright and for some reason, Alex liked him immmeadiately. He reminded her of Seth. As much as she teased that boy and no matter how many fake aguements they had, she did thank him for setting up her and Marissa, as unintentional as it had been.

The older Mr. Cohen's smile was welcoming, if confused, and Alex smiled back. Her's was terribly tired and had a hint of maturity that Sandy didn't think any 17-year-old should possess. He held his hand toward her, intrigued by Alex's steady form.

"Hi, I'm Alex Kelly." Alex introduced herself, grasping Sandy's hand. She wasn't used to shaking hands.

"Sandy Cohen." His voice was deep and penetrating and made Alex feel safe. Much safer than she had felt earlier in her apartment with Reed. The panic that had washed through her with startling confidence was starting to fade. The total fear that seemed to grasp her around Reed, the helplessness, was edging its way into the past.

"I'm here to ask you about some legal stuff." Alex told him. He nodded, his eyes flicking over to Summer, who subtly made her exit.

"This way..." He lead her into his office.

IOIO

Marissa was leaning against the railing of the pier, gazing out at waves that she could clearly hear, but couldn't make out through the dense darkness. The diner's obnoxious lights behind her weren't helping. She shut her eyes tiredly, lacing her fingers together. She was thinking about the fight less than an hour ago, the flash of Alex's eyes-Marissa flicked her eyes open. She tried to focus on the waves again, on the steady crash and fall of each one. Slowly, she relaxed. But a car roared somewhere behind her and she almost jumped. She sighed.

This wasn't helping, she realized. Standing here, avoiding things and thoughts, this was just widening the gap that they themselves had created. She slid her phone out of her pocket and started dialing Alex's number. Halfway there, she paused. This wasn't right. She didn't know what was wrong with it, or if there was even anything wrong at all, but _this_ did not feel right.

Not for first fights, not for any fights. You can't resolve things over the phone. There's no real fix there. But she didn't want to go back the apartment. Not with Reed there, with his white powder and fight-invoking presence. She sighed again and started toward the diner. Maybe something in there would offer itself as a fix.

IOIO

Alex fidgeted in Sandy's chair, picking at the armrest. She crossed her legs, then uncrossed them. She had never liked lawyers' offices. Not the faux-warm feeling or the hard chairs, there was just something about them that made her nervous. Or maybe the more accurate word would be "guilty". She knew she had nothing to hide, but years of hiding things had drilled this reaction into her.

She looked up to see Sandy regarding her from across his desk. His arms were placed unthreatenly on top, pen balanced between them. He tilted his head.

"So, what are you here for?" Sandy asked. He knew of Alex, if only from eavesropping on Seth's conversations, but he didn't know what to make of her. Though Seth seemed to like her, which was usually an indicator of safety.

"Um..." Alex glanced down at her hands and chipped away at black nail polish. She suddenly felt loose, like things were unraveling in front of her faster than she could grasp. She didn't like the feeling. Reed had that power over her, that unraveling power, and Alex had always despised him for it. "I need help getting rid of someone."

Seth studied Alex's tense form, the sharpness of her eyes, and the way she flinched, almost imperceptibly, whenever he moved his fingers. She looked torn, maybe breaking. But she wasn't quite crumbled yet and Sandy wanted to help. Beacause she looked strong.

"Ok. Well, first off, I want to tell you that we're under attorny-client privilege. Nothing you say will leave this room." Alex's eyes shot up.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I can't pay you, I just thought that since you were-" Sandy cut her off.

"No, its fine. I was just telling you that waht we talk about is private." It took Alex a second to calm back down. God she hated Reed and this effect he had on her.

"Oh, ok." Alex returned. Sandy smiled softly. This was going to be a long conversation.

IOIO

Marissa pushed through the diner's door, clanging a bell over her head that was just as obnoxious as the rest of this overly loud resturaunt. It was mainly the sights and sounds that were so overpowering, seeing as she was the only one in the room besides a couple in a corner booth. She chose her and Alex's usual table and sat down on the chair.

Tapping her fingers over the smooth surface, Marissa contemplated going back. She refused to though, she decided, until she had regained control of her mind and her wandering fingers. They trailed patterns on the tabletop and twitched constantly, a reminder of her racing mind. She hated fighting. What threw her was that she really hated fighting with Alex.

With Ryan it had sucked. Yeah, it had, because she lost one of her best friends until they made up and it just felt wrong. It itched at her, reminding her randomly, until she was beyond annoyed. And then she apologized, even if it hadn't been her fault, and they made up. But with Alex, it felt different. She couldn't stop thinking about it. It was like nothing else really mattered. She couldn't stop worrying.

Maybe it was because this was their first fight. Or maybe it was just a really bad fight. Or maybe, Marissa was starting to feel something stronger.

IOIO

Alex stepped out of Sandy's office, her hands firmly shoved into her pockets.

"So there's nothing I can do, short of arresting him?" She asked. Sandy had been kind, and open, and truthful. This, above the others, Alex was sure of. She trusted him. He shook his head.

"Not if he's as deeply involved in drugs as you say he is." Alex paused, looking down at the ground.

"Ok. Well, thanks." She said, raising her eyes. She shook his hand once more and left. Dropping down the steps, she slid her keys out of her pocket and into her Jeep. She guessed there was only one thing left to do, as much as it would hurt. As much as it would really, and maybe physically, hurt.


	23. we're in the rain

**so here's the chapter that 'splains it all..enjoy!**

**Chapter Twenty-Two: we're in the rain still searching for the sun**

Alex stood in her kitchen, leaning against the counter. She could see Reed from where she was standing, but she also had an easy exit through the back door in case he woke up. He did things when he woke up from hits like that. _This is crazy_. Alex thought. _I'm hiding from a druggie in my own apartment. _

Because that's all Reed really was now, a druggie. A druggie she had grown up with, a druggie she had known before she had known anyone else. Before even Jodie. He had been her best friend and to watch him fall had hurt her so bad. Her first boyfriend, her first kiss, her first _first_. All that she had given him, only to have him fall anyway. She was never enough. He brought out every insecurity she ever harbored, every heartfelt prayer she had cried to a god that didn't want to hear her. And here he was, still scrabbling at the bottom, feeding off the people who remembered him as a little boy with piercings in his ears and a lopsided grin on his face. His tiny hand around her's, dragging her through childhood memory after childhood memory, all the way up to her first homecoming dance. They had been there for each other and Alex had done things for Reed that hurt her to look back on. Things that had made her into what she was today, good or bad.

Mostly bad.

And here he was, screwing with the one relationship that she wanted, needed, so much. The one girl that made her heart race, pitted against the one boy who made her heart ache. Alex watched him sleep, fighting through emotions. Disappointment, regret, resentment, they all wrestled with love, caring, and sentimental emotions that tried to get the best of her. The person he had turned into, not even good enough to be called a man. The way he used everything he had done for her against her. Sure, he had taken her in after her parents had kicked her out and she had broken up with Jodie, but how many times had he crashed on her bed, wasted beyond conciousness while Alex nursed him back to sobriety, only to have him on her bed two days later. She hated him, she loved him, she needed him gone. She needed to get on with her life, without him fucking it up every chance he got. He was selfish and needy and didn't give shit for anyone besides himself.

Alex pushed up off the counter, determined in her slightly rash descision. Her talk wth Sandy had been almost pointless. There was nothing legally she could do without sending him to jail. That hadn't worked the first time, why would it this time?

She started carrying his boxes out of her apartment, placing them in his beat-up pickup truck outside. After everything was gone, she stood before him, regarding him. There was a scar on his forehead from second grade when Alex had pushed him off the swings and he had landed on a shard of glass. God, that was one of the scariest moments of her life. She leaned forward, reaching to brush away a strand of hair over his eye. Then she saw the beads of sweat on his forehead, over his lip, and white powder staining his nose. She pulled her hand back. God, he wasn't that boy anymore. She took a deep breath. This was going to hurt.

"Hey, Reed!" She said loudly, jarringly breaking the complete silence in the room. She shook his shoulder, hard, and watched his eyes open slowly.

"What the fuck is all that fucking noise?" He glared through blurry eyes at Alex. "What the fuck do you want Lexy?" Alex flinched at the old nickname, a combination of her first and last name. Something ten-year old Reed had thought was pretty clever. She stood back, bracing herself.

"You have to leave." He looked up at her, not understanding through his haze for a second.

"What?" His voice was hard, angry.

"I said, get out." Reed stood up waverily, his feet barely holding him up. Alex was terrified anyway.

"What the fuck man? You said I could fucking stay here for a while." Alex nodded.

"Yeah, that was before you snorted coke in my living room." Reed started toward her and Alex took a step back. God, she was so scared. Her hands were trembling.

"Fuck, man. I need a place to stay. You choosing that little Newport bitch over me? She's gonna leave you in a second. I thought we were fucking tight Alex." Alex flinched at the spit coming out of his mouth, the sweat dripping down his forehead.

"We were Reed. We aren't anymore." Reed was closing in on her, his eyes clearing up, the haze fading behind his pupils. But the drug was still in his voice, in his mood.

"That can't fucking happen Alex. Just fucking can't." His voice was growing desperate now, as was his body language. His fingers were shaking even more violently than Alex's, but his step became firmer.

"I need you to leave." Alex said harshly. Reed whipped his hand out and slapped her across the face. Alex's head snapped back, she felt her lip tear. A wave of sorrow passed over, a ferocious sense of loss that she felt for the little boy she had known, and it strengthened her resolve. She stepped forward, pushing him in the chest. He stumbled toward the door.

"Get the fuck out of my house." Alex said harshly, tears threatening in her voice, anger disguising them. Reed still glared, no emotion in his eyes. He stepped forward, pushing her back, hard. She stumbled, his fingers imprinted on her shoulders. "Get out." Alex demanded, her voice raw. She shoved him as hard as she could. He stumbled out the door, down a few steps.

He crouched there, on the cement for a second. Somewhere, a police siren wailed in the night. Slowly, he looked at Alex, at her apartment and then glanced back at his filled up truck. A split-second descision was made and he ran toward the truck, his coward instinct taking over his rage. He flew out of the driveway in his truck, taking out a few mailboxes. Alex slowly closed the apartment door and locked it. She slid to the floor, her shaky legs giving out beneath her.

Marissa sat in a booth in the diner, staring blankly out the window. She couldn't see anything, the bright lights were reflecting off the window, but it didn't matter. Her eyes weren't seeing anything real anyway. All she could see was Reed passed out on Alex's couch, the remnants of his coke hit on the table before him. And the anger, and the fear, in Alex's eyes when she whirled toward Marissa. Marissa flinched, remembering. A cup of coffee sat in front of her, like it had for the past five minutes, but Marissa still didn't acknowledge it. She was trying to figure out if she should go back to Alex or stay in the diner, angry.

Most of her was leaning toward Alex. She didn't like leaving the other girl alone with Reed. She knew Alex could handle herself, but she also felt that undeniable need to protect her. But she wanted Reed gone. She hated that he was coming between them, pulling them apart. Marissa stood up suddenly. She reached into her purse for a few dollars and dropped it on the table, leaving her coffee untouched. Quickly, she started out the door, toward Alex. As she walked out the front door, she saw Reed's truck fly past. He was driving crazy, like he was running from something. Or someone. Or something he had done. Marissa's mind started racing. God, something happened.

She started walking faster, over the broken glass and tufts of grass. Her flats wouldn't stand up to much abuse, but she didn't care. She was too worried about Alex.

Five minutes later, Marissa was hurrying up Alex's steps. She grabbed at the door handle. It was locked. It was never locked. She twisted it, pounding at the door. No one answered. Fear gripped her stomach with a nasty confidence.

"Alex!" She called. She reached over the light for the spare key and quickly unlocked the door. She pushed inside. Alex was sitting, arms around her legs, in the middle of the apartment. Her head tilted down and Marissa practically ran toward her, some of her worry fading. She dropped to the floor next to her, peering under her curtain of hair.

"Alex?" She asked quietly. The other girl looked ok. Marissa tucked a strand of straight blonde hair behind Alex's ear. Alex spoke, but didn't look up.

"Reed's gone." Alex finally glanced over at Marissa and Marissa felt her heart clench. A red handprint was spread across Alex's right cheek.

"Alex, I'm so sorry. I never meant to-"

"No, he had to go. He, uh...he..." Alex couldn't say it. She took a deep breath and looked up and Marissa's green eyes. "We were best friends, a long time ago. Before Jodie. And then he started...being like this, and we weren't friends anymore. But I had to help him Marissa. I love him. I've known him all my life." She looked to Marissa for understanding, consolation that Marissa was ready to give. She took the other girl into her arms and tightened her hold around her. Alex sighed softly and leaned against Marissa, her blue eyes shut tightly.

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

A bird sang somewhere in the distance and Marissa slowly opened her eyes. The sun was rising over the water, taking its time with bathing the sky in colors. Pink, purple, and light blue merged together, spreading out overhead. Marissa sat up on her arm, sand falling from her shoulders, her hair, and looked down at Alex. A wave crashed a few feet from her bare toes. They had ended up on the beach last night...Marissa struggled to remember why. Something Alex had said about not feeling safe in her apartment that night.

The other girl was asleep and Marissa watched her for a second. Alex's arm was on Marissa's stomach, her face turned toward the brunette and Marissa felt strong, knowing she could help Alex be stronger.

"Hey, Alex." Marissa said softly. The bonde's eyes fluttered open, their light blue meeting Marissa's. Alex smiled when she saw the other girl, an almost instinctive habit. "Morning." Marissa said.

"Morning." Alex leaned up and kissed Marissa. She pushed the younger girl down onto the sand and straddled her, still kissing her softly, trying to put all of her gratitude into that simple kiss. She pulled back and Marissa smiled up at her. Alex brought her fingers to Marissa's face, brushing sand from the side of her face and her hair. Marissa caught Alex's hand with her own and laced her fingers through them.

"You wanna go up to your apartment?" Marissa asked. Alex smiled and nodded.

"Yeah." She got up and offered Marissa her hand, sand dripping off both of them.

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_ The insistent knocking on the door woke both Marissa and Alex up. Marissa looked over at Alex and frowned. Fear flashed in Alex's eyes. _Reed?_ They were both thinking. Alex got up and wrapped a robe around herself, Marissa doing the same. They walked to the door and Marissa reached out and took Alex's hand. Alex opened the door just and crack and looked out to see...Seth.

"Alex! Your phone isn't working. You have to get down to the Bait Shop now." Alex opened the door all of the way. Seth stopped talking when he saw the two girls clad only in robes. "Ok, I can't even enjoy that right now." Alex frowned. This _was_ serious, if Seth Cohen couldn't enjoy a little lesbian action.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked.

"The Bait Shop's on fire." Alex paused, letting the words sink in. Then she let go of Marissa's hand and rushed back to the bedroom to get dressed.

"What happened?" Marissa asked, crossing her arms over herself. Seth shrugged.

"We don't know. I was at the boardwalk with Summer and we saw it. There were tons of people around." Alex rushed back in, messily dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, her hair pulled up in a ponytail. She kissed Marissa on the cheek and stepped outside. Seth was already heading for his car.

"I'm gonna be there for a while." Alex apologized, glancing back at Marissa while climbing into the Jeep.

"I'll meet you down there in a litle bit." Marissa called after her, feeling a bit like the good little wife. "With coffee." Surprisingly, she didn't resent it that much. She shut the door and went back to get dressed.


	24. assurance in the simple shock

**Chapter Twenty-Three: assurance in the simple shock **

Smoke rose up into the clear blue sky, looking as if it had a purpose, a place to go. The thick columns passed over the sun, sending a dark shadow over Alex's face for a moment. They were dark black, grey at the edges, and they had a horrible sense of loss about them, like they were remnants of things you had lost. In this case, Alex's club. Firefighters swarmed the building, stopping it from collapsing upon itself down to the beach below, and from spreading to the other buildings nearby. They were all covered in soot and continually wiped gloved hands at the dark mess that clouded their masks.

Alex picked through the remains that they were piling up on the edge of the boardwalk. She had been there for twenty minutes now, thrust into the fray the second she had arrived. All of her bartenders were there, her bouncers, hell, the people who cleaned up on Mondays were there, all sorting through mostly junk that the firefighters hauled to them. Broken bottles, burned speakers, charred bar stools. So far their biggest find had been a stainless steel case that held about a hundred CDs. The box was a sooty black and ruined, but the Cds inside were fine. Alex wiped a hand across her forehead and immeadiately regretted it, knowing she had smeared black across her face.

She sighed and leaned back against the railing of the pier. It seemed odd that just half an hour earlier she had been lying next to Marissa, whispering sweet nothings; and only an hour earlier they had been...extremely occupied. She shut her eyes for a second. They were ripped back open at the sound of crashing wood. She pushed off the railing and walked to where the sound had come from. Part of the Bait Shop had collapsed to the ground, too fragile to hold up anymore. Alex scanned the ground below, but it didn't look like anyone had been in that part of the building when it had fallen. From the sinks and toilets, it had been one of the bathrooms. Her heart felt heavy, watching her favorite place collapse.

Alex felt a hand on the small of her back and turned to find Marissa standing behind her, a cup of coffee offered in her hand. Alex accepted it with a smile and then quickly stole a kiss. Marissa smiled back, but it faded when she looked back to the Bait Shop.

"What happened?"

"They don't know. Maybe arson." Marissa studied her girlfriend carefully.

"Do you think it was Reed?" Alex shook her head.

"I don't know what to think. Maybe? It seems like something he would do. But I don't know, really." They both turned back to the charred remains of what had been the Bait Shop.

"What are you gonna do?" Marissa asked. Alex sighed and shook her head.

"I don't know." Marissa moved toward her and wrapped the soot-smeared blonde in a hug. She rested her chin on the older girl's head.

"Well, I could tell you its going to be ok-because it is, but that's probably not what you want to hear. So, uh..we'll catch whoever did this." Marissa assumed a gruff, deep voice for the last sentence and Alex smiled into her neck. Marissa felt it and grinned. She pulled back a little to see Alex smiling up at her. Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Is that right Detective?" She asked playfully. She tilted her head thoughtfully. "You know, I kind of like you butch." Marissa laughed and swatted at Alex. The older girl caught her hand. "Ok, I've got to go clean up. You wanna help?"

"Do I have a choice?" Marissa asked. Alex shook her head.

"Nope."

"Ok then." Alex still grasped Marissa's hand in her's and they walked toward the mess accumulating on the boardwalk. Marissa slid her fingers through Alex's. And somehow, Alex had a resounding feeling that it really would be ok. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt like that.

IOIO

"Do you have any enemies?" The cop asked, again, for what felt like-and probably was-the thirtieth time that night. Alex only sighed.

"Just one right now. Tyler Reed." She said. The cop jotted the name down-or Alex assumed he did- and looked back up at her. He was a new one, clean shaven and fresh and just as brazenly ruffling through her life, looking for a cause for this shocking act. Everyone loved the Bait Shop. You could watch the game Monday, hang out Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, listen to music Saturday, party on Friday, and then do it all over again next week. It was Newport's middle to upper class hangout, depending on the day, and no one-no one-would burn it down.

Except apparently someone had.

"When was the last time you were there?" The cop asked. Alex sighed and laid her head on the table. She was completely phyically exhausted and tired of answering the same exact questions every other minute. Her answers weren't going to change.

"Ok, I'm tired of talking. I was cooperative, but this ridiculous." Alex said, her voice muffled from beneath her arms. The door to the room opened and Alex glanced up to see Mr. Cohen walking in.

"I'm her lawyer. Please don't ask her any more questions." Sandy said firmly. The cop nodded and stood up, quickly exiting the room. He looked nervous around Sandy. Sandy sat down across from Alex, placing his briefcase on the table. "How are you doing?" He asked. Alex sighed, putting her head in her hands.

"Tired. Really, really tired." She answered. She couldn't think straight anymore. Her head felt heavy and empty at the same time, like her brain had escaped her. Sandy nodded.

"I know. But we really have to talk about this." He said. Alex nodded listlessly. Then, she perked up.

"Where's Marissa?" She asked, meeting Sandy's eyes questioningly. She had been so exhausted for a second she had almost fallen asleep and Marissa, who had been on her mind for the last hour, had slipped from it.

"She's in the waiting room." Sandy answered. "Waiting." Alex sighed. The girl had been out there for hours. She needed to go home and ge some sleep.

"Before we talk, can you go tell her to go home? And eat something." Alex said. Sandy nodded.

"I'll be back in a couple minutes and then we need to sort some things out." He said. He got up and headed to the stainless steel door, the same one Alex had been staring at for the past hour, hoping for someone to come in and say this was all a dream. All a crazy nightmare that she was having while safe in Marissa's arms at home. But Sandy had walked in instead and made it all the more real.

IOIO

Marissa leaned her head forward in her hands. She shifted on the hard and painful seat and sighed. She was so stressed out right now. Apparently the cops thought that Alex had burned down the Bait Shop for the insurance money. Which was bullshit. God, she was so tired, but she was not leaving until Alex was walking out with her.

"Marissa." Marissa glanced up when a familiar voice said her name. Sandy was walking toward her, hands in his pockets.

"Hey Mr. Cohen." She said, wiping sleep from under her eyes. "Did you talk to her?" Marissa had called Sandy after waiting for a couple hours. She didn't feel right leaving Alex in there with just the police. She knew what it was like, unfourtantely, and didn't want her girlfriend to go through the same thing.

"Yes, she said to tell you to go home and eat something." Sandy said, sitting down next to Marissa. "And then she'll talk to me." Sandy smiled tiredly. It was about eleven at night and after working all day, and being up late last night, he was exhausted. He couldn't even imagine how Marissa was feeling, after working at cleaning up the Bait Shop for hours and then staying here. Now he understood why Alex wanted her to go home. "It's probably a good idea." He suggested gently. Marissa nodded.

"Yeah, I know. I just can't leave her here, you know?" Marissa said, looking to Sandy for some sort of assurance that her worries were founded. He nodded a little, his eyes dully focused on the secretary at the end of the room.

"I understand, but I'll be in there with her. There's nothing to worry about." Sandy reassured her, turning his kind eyes to Marissa's exhausted ones. Marissa sighed again, but stood up.

"Ok. I'll go home. Tell her that." Marissa said. She smiled at Sandy. "And thanks, again."

"It's no problem." Sandy said. He smiled and pushed her little toward the door. "Now get some sleep." Marissa turned around and started toward the door, her feet dragging tiredly.

IOIO

"Marissa?" Alex's voice echoed softly in the silent room, sounding a hundred times louder than it really was because of the complete absence of noise. She crept into their room, slowly making out Marissa's form, stretched across their bed. They had been living together for a few weeks, sleeping in the same bed. That bed felt different now, after what they had shared in it, once more only this morning. It felt like forever ago.

Alex smiled to herself, thinking of the first time Marissa had slept in it, not counting that fateful, passionate night. To say it had been awkward would be a bit of an understatement. But to say that Alex had been thrilled when she woke up wrapped in the brunette's arms would have be the understatement of the year. They had gotten over it, sharing chaste kisses before bed and soft hands in the morning, legs sliding against legs.

Alex crawled in beside her girlfriend, planting a tired kiss on the girl's forehead. Marissa rolled onto her back, sleepy eyes peering up at Alex. A smile spread across her face.

"Hi." Marissa said quietly. Alex smiled back, tiredly, and brushed a strand of hair out of the girl's face.

"Hey." She answered. They looked at each other for a minute and then Marissa glanced away.

"Alex, do you think..." She trailed off for a second, trying to find the right words. Trying to make this sound like it wasn't just one of her unfounded fears. "Are we ok? After the fire and jail and...everything." She left out their fight, not able to say the words. "Do you think we'll make it?" She rushed out, the words barely reaching Alex's sleepy ears. Alex met her eyes calmly. She smiled.

"I know it. Simple as that." Alex answered and kissed Marissa softly. Marissa looked doubtful though and Alex lowered herself down beside the girl. Marissa turned her head on the pillow, studying Alex's eyes for answers. "We can do this Riss. No matter how many long nights at the slammer we have to put in." Marissa smiled despite herself. "It we both give it all we have, we can do this." Alex said quietly. And Marissa found herself believing the girl, as her hand found the blonde's. Interlocking their fingers and drawing strength from their bond. She rolled over, nestling into Alex, more naturally than she could remember being in a long time.

Safe here, more so than any place in the world.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

_review?_


	25. storm and hurricane

**Chapter Twenty-Four: yesterday's storm and tomorrow's hurricane**

Alex watched as the waves broke over the shore, rolling out yesterday's sand and sliding it back into the ocean. She had always loved living on the coast. It was the only reason she had moved to Newport; although it couldn't be counted as the reason she had stayed. She was addicted to these grey beach mornings. Sitting in her beach chair, hot coffee nestled between her hands, she was waiting out the calm before the storm. She knew most people found comfort in it, found peace, but it just drove her crazy. How could anyone be calm waiting for their world to be yanked out from under them?

So she was downing the french vanilla coffee that Marissa was addicted to and waiting for the younger girl to miss her prescence in their bed. And to smell the delicious coffee. Marissa had some sort of radar that went off every time coffee was made-even more so when it was french vanilla. And Alex needed her to wake up so she could stop thinking about hard stuff and just focus on Marissa-who was anything but hard. She didn't want to wonder about all the messes she was supposed to clean up; she didn't want to deal with Aaron, who was coming back and was going to be majorly pissed that she had burned down his club; and she sure as hell didn't want to think about another round of police questioning. It all generally sucked.

Alex sighed and sipped her coffee again. She was about three seconds from getting up and crawling back in bed with Marissa when she felt slender arms wrap around her shoulders.

"Hey you." Warm words were whispered in her ear and a soft kiss placed beside her ear. Alex smiled softly and looked up to see Marissa leaning over her.

"Hey." She answered, quietly. It felt wrong to break the sunrise silence. Marissa, sliding her arms from Alex's shoulders, walked around the chair and sat don on Alex's lap. Alex wrapped her own arms around Marissa's waist and wasn't surprised to see a steaming cup of french vanilla coffee in her girlfriend's hands. Marissa took and sip and then smiled.

"Thanks for the coffee." She said. Alex was already getting lost in her, no urging needed. She smiled foolishly and leaned up to kiss the other girl. She could taste the coffee in Marissa's mouth, but it was sweeter there, and warmer. Alex decided she liked the way it tasted in Marissa's mouth more than anywhere else. She pulled back, licking her lips.

"You're wel-" She was cut off by Marissa's lips on her own again, this time more forceful than the languid kiss they had just shared. Alex returned it, meeting Marissa's mouth with the same lingering desire. It was always there, always floating below the surface, and it was intoxicating. It could take over her actions in seconds. But this morning, maybe slowed and calmed by the dolldrums stretching out in the ocean, they both pulled away. Catching her slightly winded breath, Alex looked up at Marissa. She was illuminated by the rising golden light and more gorgeous than anyone Alex could think of. Than anyone Alex had ever set eyes on. But then again, Alex was pretty much incapable of thinking of anyone else when she was with Marissa. Maybe that was the essence of love. That perfection attributed to your love, just because of your simple inability to consider anyone else in comparison.

Marissa met Alex's eyes and smiled softly, their gaze conveying pure and intimate feelings. She had never felt closer to anyone then she did in this moment. Like Alex wasn't another person to hold at arm's length, another person to watch carefully, to hide dutifully from. She didn't have to guard her eyes and watch the other girl to make sure she was saying the right thing-smiling the right way. Alex felt like a part of Marissa. Like she was an extension of herself and she could trust her with everything, because she already knew it all. She could sit back and give it all to the blonde. The feeling rushed over her, this feeling of intense dependancy-resulting in utter release of control and Marissa realized her heart was racing. She realized her smile was steadily growing.

So this was falling in love.

She leaned down, eyes flicking between Alex's eyes and her mouth, because both were just as inviting. And she kissed Alex as softly as she could, as promising as her mouth could convey. She pulled back just a little, placing her coffee and the sand and taking Alex's from her as well. Turning completely and straddling Alex, Mariss didn't say a word. She could _feel _the words inside her and she wanted to show them. She wanted to show Alex everything, with every single touch. Every new revelation; she wasn't scared of them, she was eager to feel every inch.

Marissa leaned down again and kissed Alex, each touch growing more and more urgent. Both hands on her face, then one in her hair, one trailing to her waist. Alex reacted similarily, hands everywhere, mouth tasting again and again; and Marissa felt herself falling deeper.

Because she could feel Alex's words.

And they echoed her own.

IOIO

Sitting in the waiting room of the police headquaters, Marissa had taken over her spot from the previous night, picked up the exact same magazine, and sat back. She was content with waiting, because she felt like Alex was safer when she was within sprinting distance. And because she felt more secure when Alex was near, even if it was in jail. Because that's where she was, in a flipping jail, and for some illogical reason she felt safer there than at home by herself. Sitting there, she was quickly swept away by her thoughts.

She was new to this whole love thing and wasn't sure how to react. She and Ryan, as close as they had been, had never felt like this. Well, maybe Ryan had, but Marissa hadn't returned the sentiment. She remembered comfortably close conversations and soft kisses that made her feel warm, but nothing like what Marissa felt all the time now. She knew, because she had been trying to compare them. As unfair as it should have been, she was comparing Ryan to Alex and Alex was coming out on top. Almost embarrassingly so.

She wasn't sure if she should tell Alex that she loved her. Truthfully, she wanted to. She wanted to tell everyone, but mainly Alex. Because it felt like something that needed to be shared, like an exciting secret she had learned. It felt like when she had found out that the Kooks were coming for a concert last year and no one else had any idea and she got to tell everyone. Like she had this fantastic secret that _needed _to be shared-with wide grins and quick words. It made her high.

She had a definite afterglow after this morning, one that flushed her cheeks and still lingered on her skin. She knew a few people had noticed, because it was blatantly obvious. Those people included the receptionist at the desk across the room who had smiled knowingly when Marissa walked in. But Marissa was too afterglow-y to care. She barely even noticed.

Instead, she crossed her legs and read People, waiting for Alex to come out. Waiting and worrying and smiling to herself.

IOIO

"Tyler Reed. Last night. In my apartment with my girlfriend. No, I have a good paying job." Alex said flatly. A new officer-the third of the day- had walked in and before he could even open his mouth, Alex had answered all his questions. He smiled a little, amused, but Alex was still annoyed.

"You forgot 'When was the last time you were-"

"The afternoon before." Alex cut him off. She raised an eyebrow. "Can I go now?" The officer nodded absentmindedly.

"Yes. But you need to be here tomrrow at eleven to help with tracking down..." He glanced over the sheet lying before him"...Tyler Reed." Alex nodded, already standing up to leave.

"I know, I'll be here." She said. She pushed through the steel door without another word. Making her way through the halls that she knew would soon become familair, she was focused on finding Marissa. They needed to go to the Bait Shop, clean up, meet Aaron at the airport at four, and then-Alex paused. She had walked into the waiting room to see a group of people huddled in the far corner. A group of people who had quickly become familiar sights.

Seth, cheek pressed up against the semi-clear window, was half-asleep. Marissa had her head on his shoulder and was totally out. Summer, arm around her best friend, had her head leaning back against the wall. Ryan and Lindsay were wrapped around each other, half-alseep as well. The whole group of them had been cleaning up at the Bait Shop all last night and should have been at home sleeping. They were here instead. Alex smiled to herself.

She made her way over to them. When she reached Marissa she leaned down and pushed the falling hair out of her face.

"Morning." She pressed a kiss against the younger girl's forehead and watched as she stirred sleepily.

"Where's Alex?" Marissa muttered, eyes fluttering open. Her blurred gaze focused on the blonde before her and she smiled, just as blurred. "Hey." She muttered, taking Alex's chin in her fingers and pulling the girl in for a warm kiss. "How were the interviews?" Alex rolled her eyes.

"Fantastic. I swear I get smarter every time someone asks me if I burned down the Bait Shop." Alex said dryly. She pulled back a little, as Seth and Summer stirred beside Marissa. The brunette smiled and leaned forward as well, pushing herself up off the seat.

"You wanna get someting to eat?" Marissa asked, the People magazine sliding unceremoniously off her lap. She yawned and leaned forward, resting her forhead on Alex's shoulder. She was about to fall over, she was so exhausted.

"Right now, getting some sleep sounds a lot better." Alex said. Her early moning coffee was wearing off, which wasn't surprising considering it was almost three in the afternoon, and exhaustion was nipping at her conciousness. She wrapped her arm around Marissa and nuzzled her nose into the girl's hair, reveling in this simple intimacy.

"Ok." Marissa agreed, her arm around Alex's waist. She turned to her friends, who were gazing up at them sleepily. Leaning over and releasing Alex, she hugged Summer quickly. "Thanks." She whispered in the brunette's ear and then pulled back, ruffling Seth's hair affectionately. After waving her goodbye to Lindsay and Ryan who were just rousing, she wrapped an arm back around Alex. Her eyes were brighter now, revealing the burst of energy her nap had given her. She decided to use it to her full advantage, knowing it would fade quickly.

"Home?" Alex asked, yawning as she extracted her keys from her pocket, fumbling with the many pieces of metal that glittered in the sunny afternoon. Marissa, taking the keys from Alex's fingers with ease, guided the half-asleep girl into the passenger seat. She smiled gently as Alex practically fell into the Jeep's passenger seat.

"Yeah, I'll bring you home. But then I'm gonna go get lunch." Marissa thought back longingly to the hot french vanilla coffe she had practically inhaled earlier that morning. It was her drug, no doubt. Alex waved a hand.

"Just go now. I'll sleep in the car." She said, eyes already fluttering shut. Marissa, unable to cotrol the sudden rush of affection, leaned forward and kissed the girl on the cheek. A blush grew on her own, but she only smirked at the contented smile that slipped onto the blonde's face. Then, Alex's breath evened out and Marissa knew she had drifted off. Quietly, she closed the passenger door. Smiling to herself, she walked back to the driver's side.

IOIOIO

Marissa stood at the counter of the diner, waiting on her takeout. Tapping her fingers against the black and white formica, she watched the bit of the kitchen that she could see. Cooks bustled around, tossing food to each other and generally looking surpringly happy and energized. Marissa's eyes were starting to droop shut though and the workers' constant movement was making _her_ tired. She stifled a yawn with her hand and turned her attention to the people surrounding her.

Her gaze flicked outside breifly, checking on Alex's car where she knew the other girl was sleeping. Alex still sat there, eyes shut, slumped against the seat. So Marissa shifted her gaze inside, only to see someone she hadn't thought about in much too long. A smile growing on her face, she pushed off the counter and started across the room. There, sitting by herself at a table, was Theresa, Ryan's ex.

"Theresa!" Marissa called, happiness evident in her voice. No matter how much bad stuff had gone down with her and Ryan, Marissa wouldn't forget the other girl who had helped her when she needed it. Theresa glanced up, surprised, then grinned.

"Hey Marissa!" She answered, standing up to wrap the younger girl in a hug. Marissa hugged her back fiercely.

"What are doing back in Newport?" Marissa asked, pulling away to study the older girl. Theresa opened her mouth to answer, but a voice across the room interrupted her.

"Theresa." Alex said the name dryly, venom dripping from every syllable. Theresa glanced over Marissa's shoulder, then frowned.

"Alex." She said, her tone matching the blonde's. Marissa was beyond confused. Her eyes darted between the two girls, trying to make some sense out of the situation. She opened her mouth.

"Huh?"


	26. i'm capsized, staring on the edge

**Chapter Twenty-Five: i'm capsized, staring on the edge of safe**

Marissa was beyond confused. Her eyes darted between the two girls, trying to make some sense out of the situation. She opened her mouth.

"Huh?" Theresa's eyes flicked back to the brunette girl standing before her.

"Sorry. She's just...old news." Theresa shot another dirty look toward Alex, still not catching that the blonde and Marissa knew each other. "You wanna get out of here? It just got boring." Theresa said, purposely ignoring Alex who was walking toward them. Marissa, still frowning at the obvious dislike between her old friend and her new girlfriend, ran a hand through her hair.

"Wait, how do you know Alex?" She asked, looking back as her girlfriend walked up beside her. The problem, she suddenly realized, was that she was going to side with Alex no matter what the issue was. She felt bad, because she and Theresa had been really good friends, but she and Alex, put simply, were more than that.

"You know her?" Theresa asked, looking between the two. Marissa nodded. Theresa frowned as Alex stood shoulder to shoulder with Marissa. There was no doubt of the intimacy between them. "Are you.." She let the question, unfinished, hang between them. Shooting a quick look to Alex, who still looked pissed off, Marissa nodded.

"Yeah, we are." Theresa crossed her arms, obviously at a loss.

"You've changed Marissa. I thought you had better taste than that." Theresa said, but her voice didn't convey some of the distaste that could have been suggested with that sentence. She seemed merely shocked. It was Marissa's turn to cross her arms defensively, not sure where this conversation was going.

"What are you doing here Theresa?" Alex asked, her eyebrows still crinkled and her arms still crossed. Marissa could feel the annoyance radiating off her and knew they were going to have a very long conversation about this. Theresa glanced away and shoved her hands into the pockets of her hoodie.

"What do you think? He told me he was staying with you." Theresa said, her voice a cross between defensive and resign. She glanced back and Marissa noticed the lack of sleep in her eyes, the wrinkles in her clothes. Alex sighed, her arms unfolding and her hands sliding into her back pockets.

"Do you need somewhere to stay?" Alex asked. Theresa nodded and Marissa felt the familiarity coursing between them. Annoyance and familiarity, but familiarity nonetheless. "I'll meet you at that spot by the pier this afternoon." Alex said. Then, she turned and walked away. Both Marissa and Theresea knew she needed to go chill out and neither followed.

"So, uh..." Marissa said awkwardly, trying to understand what was going on. Theresa looked at her wearily and smiled just the same.

"Alex will tell you." She said. "I'll see you later." And with that she stepped around Marissa and walked outside, probably for the same reason as Alex. Marissa paused for a second, trying to collect her rapidly dissapating thoughts.

"Miss, your food's ready!" A voice called from across the room. Marissa walked over, paid for it, and took it out to the car without ever really thinking about it. Putting the food in the backseat of Alex's Jeep, she turned toward the pier, knowing the older girl would be somewhere near the water. She ran a hand through her hair and, after stopping for a second-just a second to try to catch her thoughts-she started walking.

IOIOIOI

Alex's feet were inches from the lapping waves. She knew if a big one came she'd get soaked, but she knew her Converse had been through much worse than a bit of water. She also knew why she was thinking about her Converse and not Theresa, but she didn't bother to switch subjects. Actually, she really didn't want to. But, just like that, she found her thoughts shifted.

Glancing down at her lap, she leaned back on her hands. She sighed once and looked out over the water. Reed crept into her mind, as he had a tendency to do, and she frowned. He managed to follow her wherever she went. Only, problem was, she wasn't planning on going anywhere this time. So did that mean he was just going to hang around? Because she couldn't handle that-no, she wouldn't handle that. Hell, she'd freaking kill him if she had to see him all the time.

Ten minutes past, full of complexing thoughts-all of which involved Reed and Theresa. And the relationship they had and the ones Alex had had with both of them. Dating Reed had been a disaster, but her and Theresa had been the opposite of that. They had been great-beyond great. Theresa had taken her hand and pulled her back up into the real world after Reed had torn her apart. And the thing was, Theresa and her hadn't even been dating. No, they'd had been almost impossibly close best friends. The only problem with their relationship was the fact that Alex was utterly in love with Theresa.

Simply, unconditionaly, calmy, irrationally in love.

She had harbored it for three years. Three long, gorgeously painful years. She knew Theresa was straight. She knew she only dated guys, she had met most of them. So she made herself accept that she would never have the other girl. It helped that the love had come gradually-like all good loves do-and she had had time to come to terms with it. It hadn't suddenly grasped her and shook her up, like her almost chaotic love-her _great_ love- for Marissa. It had carefully crept its tendrils into her soul, slid between her brain cells and lodged itself so deeply inside her that she hadn't even noticed.

Until she looked into Theresa's dark brown eyes one day, caught the shine off her white teeth as she laughed, and realized she loved her. Realized with a growing, gentle happiness that this girl made her glow. But she hadn't done anything. Had dreamed about it, maybe, but never gone through with it. She would never have done anything to jeparodize their relationship. So years had passed and feelings had grown and innocent and naive, Alex hadn't bothered to hide them very well. And one night, with the addition of massive amounts of alcohol and a fantastically good week involving a surfing competition and Tegan and Sara, Alex had kissed Theresa. Just leaned over and kissed her. Just like that.

Just like freaking that.

And Theresa had ran away. Literally, figuratively, in any and all ways possible she had fled. Muttered something about "meeting a boy" and never came back. And Alex was torn apart again, only this time- unlike with Reed- it was all her fault. Or, she felt like it was. Maybe that's what had made it easier to come back that time. Or maybe all the gentle and patient healing Theresa had given her was still left over and she just used that. Maybe that same healing had made her strong. Either way, she hadn't fallen so far as to shatter. Just enough to crack a little.

And then, two months later, Theresa had come back. She used her key on Alex's locks, walked into her kitchen where Alex was stirring coffee and kissed her.

Just like freaking that.

And Alex had kissed her back. And then, thirty minutes later on Alex's couch, where they were well on their way to becoming undressed and unbelievable, Theresa's phone had gone off. And she reached over and answered it. She'd given Alex a fleeting, guilty look, muttered something about "meeting a boy" and left.

So when she came back the next day, Alex screamed at her. Yelled and cussed and raged and Theresa took it for a while, before coming back with her own. And like that, whatever had been left of their relationship crumbled beneath glares and tears and angry words. They had both dropped the ball-no, they had done more than that. They had thrown it out of bounds, hurled back at the other. Hell, maybe neither of them had even caught it in the first place. Maybe it had been floating toward them for years only to smack them hard in the face.

And so Alex had gone out, gotten totally wasted, and met Jodie. Theresa had started dating Reed, because of all the truly detestable people in the world she could have dated, she had to pick Alex's dirty regret. And, over time, things had gone from awkward to angry to loathing. But relationships had faded, both Alex and Jodie's, and Theresa and Reed's. Alex had gotten kicked out of her parent's house, crashed with a newly single Reed and her life continued, until she had wound up here, in Newport, California of all places. And she didn't want to be anywhere else.

Except, apparently, anywhere else was coming back to get her.

IOIOIOI

Marissa caught sight of Alex sitting at the edge of the water, studying it thoughtfully. She didn't want to bother the other girl or interrupt her thoughts, so she just sat about twenty feet behind the blonde and watched her. She really didn't mind. The blonde was gorgeous. Unbelivably, utterly, captivatingly beautiful. After about half an hour, during which Marissa got caught up in her own contemplating, Alex stood up. Brushing sand off her thighs, she turned to the shore. She caught sight of Marissa and smiled. Marissa saw it and grinned back. It made her happy to see she was a cause of Alex's smiles.

"Been here long?" Alex asked, walking over and offering a hand. Marissa took it and stood up. She brushed sand off her own legs.

"Nope." Marissa answered. Recapturing Alex's hand, she turned her head to the girl. "Do you have the world figured out yet?" She asked, smiling a little. Alex grinned.

"Pretty much."

"Good. Explain it to me." There was something soft in Marissa's almost careless statement, something melancholy that expressed every doubt and hurt she had endured. Something that crept in from her own share of thinking. Alex pulled her closer and wrapped an arm around her waist, pressing a kiss into the side of her head.

"Wish I knew how." She muttered. Marissa wrapped her arms around Alex's shoulders and pulled her close. She breathed in the girl's shampoo and relaxed, just like that.

Just like freaking that.

IOIOIOI

Reed was leaning back in a beat up old metal chair, tossing a rubber band ball high above his head and catching it inches above the ground. Somewhere outside a truck was backing up, the beeping noise streaming into his ears and driving him crazy. It had been there for the past ten minutes and must have been broken or something, because it would not shut up.

Finally, growing tired of being patient- because he wasn't- Reed slammed his chair down onto the ground. Squeezing the ball in his fingers with every rage his constantly drug-induced mind was forming, he threw open the door of the old warehouse he was currently hiding in. When he caught sight of the truck, ever so slowly backing its load into the pickup dock, he practically growled.

"Shut the fuck up!" He yelled, his voice rough from the chain-smoking he had done last night. He hurled the ball at the driver's window and it bounced off with a satisfying smack. A little calmed, he turned and walked back inside, ignoring the driver's surprised and somewhat scared face.

Dropping back into his metal chair, his feet braced on the metal desk, he leaned back again. And then cursed the fact that he now had nothing to do. Not even a ball to aimlessly throw up and down. He hunched over, dropping his head in his hands and wondered how he could be so stupid. How he could fuck up so royally.

"What the hell was that Reed?" Theresa came bursting in, annoyance written all over her face. Reed looked up, his mood scribbled just as obviously on his forehead and in his eyes.

"Fucking thing wouldn't shut up." He muttered, but he knew he shouldn't have done that. He needed to keep a low profile and throwing things at trucks was not the way to go.

"Well stuff your ears or something." Theresa said, calming a little when she saw how messed up Reed was. And he should be. He had burned down his ex-girlfriend's club. She tossed a sack of burgers and fries onto the metal desk and sat down next to it. Reed tore into it hungrily, shoving a few fries into his mouth. He hated being cooped up. Jail had driven him half-insane and there was no way he was going to do it again. At least here, he knew he could leave if he really had to. So he was willing to hide out until the cops and/or Alex lost interest.

"You see her?" Reed asked around half a burger. Theresa nodded.

"Yeah. She's still pissed at me."

"No shit, after what you did to her." Reed glanced up breifly, some sort of animal-like intelligence shining in his eyes. He reminded Theresa of a fox. "I was there. I remember the fights." He said, looking back down to the food. Theresa sighed softly. She was a flipping idiot and she knew it. She wasn't expecting to fix her and Alex, she really wasn't, she just needed some closure. To come to terms with the way they had ripped apart.

"Whatever." Was all she said. She may have been attached to Reed in the worse way possible, but she refused to let him have any more than he already did. There was a long pause and Theresa knew they were both thinking about the same thing. Reed opened his mouth and voiced their thoughts in his usual crude way.

"How's the kid?"

IOIOIOI

Alex trudged into her living room, a duffel bag hanging from her shoulder. It was two in the morning, she had work in five hours, and she was pissed on top of that. She dropped the duffel bag by the couch. Marissa, who had been dozing before the t.v., jolted awake. Alex grimaced.

"Sorry." She said softly, crawling onto the couch next to her and dropping down. She leaned into Marissa, yawning widely. Marissa, though half-alseep, still found her adorable. Still found her irresistable. The front door opened again and Theresa walked in, another duffel bag hanging from her hand. She dropped it next to the first one and stood before them awkwardly. Her hands crossed behind her back, she waited. For what, she wasn't sure.

Marissa glanced between them quickly and decided not to come between until it was necessary. She stood up, stretching.

"I'm going to bed." She said, nothing in her voice to hint at what she was feeling. Another stretch and she headed into the back. Alex, still flopped on the couch, looked up at Theresa. Their eyes met for a millisecond of unbearable akwardness. Alex stood up quickly, needing to get out of the room, away from her. Away from everything but Marissa and maybe a Corona. Actually, a coke and rum would have been awesome at the moment, just to take the edge of.

Unfourtunately, she couldn't do that.

"Night." Alex said uncomfortably. She started to walk off when a soft, familar hand that she hadn't felt in a long time stopped her.

"Alex, come on." Theresa said, looking at her with eyes that promised everything Alex had searched so vainly for years ago. Eyes that held it all right there, right on her fingertips. Now, it was unwelcome. Uncalled for and unwanted and Alex pulled away with only the slightest hesitation. It was still Theresa after all, even considering the years they had spent despising each other.

"Theresa, don't do this." Alex said. She knew Theresa knew where Reed was and wasn't going to tell her. The guy had burned down her club for chrissakes. And she wasn't even going to think about the old feelings between the two girls. "Really, don't." She turned and walked away, leaving Theresa to wish for easier days when it was just her and Alex against the world. Except the problem was, it had never been just that. It had always been Alex and Theresa and one of Theresa's boys.

And maybe that's why two hearts had broken.

And maybe they would again, because Theresa had a whole different kind of boy to come inbetween this time.


	27. perfect blue buildings

_gonna try to finish this one up..._

** Chapter Twenty-Six: perfect blue buildings**

Alex sat on the railing of the pier, swinging her feet loosely. The remains of the Bait Shop were heaped beneath her, on the sand twenty feet below. Black soot still stained the pier, but strong winds and hot sun would take care of that. Unfortunately, she would have to take care of everything else. The crap down below, the insurance, the rebuidling-if there would be any-costs, dealing with the bartenders-god, it was a lot of stuff. Thank god Aaron was coming to help, because she could not have done it by herself. Especially not with Theresa back and Reed out there somewhere.

Somewhere close, considering Theresa was here.

Alex caught sight of Aaron walking down the pier. He was in his classic jeans and band t-shirt, a messenger bag hanging from his shoulder. He was thirty-seven and still dressed like he was twenty. Then again, he still looked twenty, so it worked.

"Hey Alex." He smiled. He liked the blonde, she had done good things with his club. His now destroyed club, but still.

"Hey Aaron." She held out her hand and they shook breifly.

"So fill me in."

Ten minutes later and Alex and Aaron were trudging through the mess on the sand. Aaron's messenger bag had been discarded under the boardwalk and Alex had pulled her hair up into a ponytail. Truth was, she was exhausted. She hadn't gotten home till two and then she had stayed up to explain everything to Marissa. Not because Marissa made her, but because she wanted to. She wanted the other girl to understand her. To know everything, because Alex wanted to know everything about Marissa.

"Look, here's part of the bathroom wall." Aaron laughed, holding up a piece of plaster. On it, "Call Janice for a good time-887-5467" was scribbled in sharpie. Alex smiled and rolled her eyes. They kept going, not really finding anything. Alex stumbled over something on the ground. She leaned down to pick up a tattered and burned blanket. The same one she had spread over Marissa months ago-or was it weeks? Time had flown and so many things had changed that it was hard to seperate the days anymore.

After an hour of pointless searching, they fell back on the sand by the ashes. The sea wind picked up the soft black remains and twirled them through the air, painting the sand shades of grey.

"When do we start rebuilding?" Alex asked, glancing over at Aaron. She leaned back on her hands in her usual relaxed way. Aaron leaned forward, balancing his forearms on his knees.

"A month." He said decisively. "I'll get in touch with some contractors." He sighed, eyes lost in space, probably on the loads of work they would be doing. "I need you to talk to the bartenders, the janitors, the cleaners-everyone on a salary, and get their money to them. And then I need you to..." He kept going, listing tens of things for Alex to accomplish. It seemed impossible that she could ever get it done.

Scribbling his words onto a notebook, she kept up admirably well. Another long hour passed before he was done and they were sure they had covered everything. By then the sun was up and hot, drawing long streaks of sweat across Alex's face. She wiped the back of her hand across her forehead.

"So, call me tomorrow afternoon?" Aaron asked, standing up.

"Will do." Alex smiled, tired, and shook his hand once again. He was gone a few seconds later, trudging across the rough sand to the pier. She looked up above her and saw Marissa standing on the pier. Grinning, she jogged up the stairs to the younger girl.

"Hey." Marissa spoke, turning toward her girlfriend with a warm smile on her face.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Alex asked, wrapping her arms around Marissa's waist. Marissa nodded, leaning in for a kiss.

"Yeah." She pressed her lips against Alex's warm ones quickly. "Its too hot." Marissa said, pulling away to look up at the glaring sun. Alex raised her eyebrows, smirking.

"Yeah, good reason to leave." She teased. Marissa smiled and rolled her eyes.

"I wanted to see you." She admitted. "I know-with Theresa and Reed and the Bait Shop and everything...I just thought you might want a day off." Marissa smiled hopefully, her hand wrapped around Alex's and swinging back and forth. Alex looked doubtful.

"I don't know, Riss..." She trailed off, torn. First off, day with Marissa? Yes. But delaying the tons of work she had ahead of her didn't seem like the best idea. Especially not when she had to deal with everything invovling her past-she just couldn't slack off. "They're looking for Reed." She said softly, looking down at the black remains of the Bait Shop.

"You think he left town?" Marissa asked, following the subject change. Alex shrugged, turning to rest her elbows agasint the wooden railing.

"Probably not. He doesn't have anywhere to go, especially with Theresa here." Marissa leaned beside her, back against the railing, eyes flicking over the people walking along. Finally, she spoke.

"Do you want them to find him?"

"Yeah." Alex answered, a little guilitly. "He can't just come along and fuck up my life all the time, and mess with other people and just..." She trailed off, then looked up at Marissa and smiled wearily. "I think I need that day off." She agreed. Marissa smiled softly and leaned over to kiss Alex long, and soft. Slowly, she pulled a few centimeters away from Alex's lips.

"Home?" She mumbled into Alex's mouth.

"Yeah." Alex agreed, opening her eyes. "Definitely." She held her hand out and Marissa took it, interlocking their fingers. Walking leisurely, they made their way down the boardwalk.

IOIOIOIOI

Reed held his arms out and grinned, wickedly and with a touch of dangerous that always appeared in him, as his two year old son bounded into his arms. He swung the little boy around and the dark-haired kid squealed happily. Theresa stood a few feet away, watching with a tiny smile and lines in her face. When Reed finally took a seat at the beat up metal desk, Theresa made her way over and perched on the top.

"Hey man, what's up?" Reed asked the boy, who looked up at him with adoring eyes. Theresa had never understood the little boy's worship of his terrible father. He hardly ever saw him.

"Grammy bought me _two_ Happy Meals on the way." He announced, clutching a plastic toy in his hand.

"Oh yeah, at the same time?" Reed teased. Theresa watched them, love building up in her heart even though she knew the man didn't deserve it.

"Noo, Daddy. One today and one yesterday." He fumbled through his words with childlike obliviousness.

"Alright, c'mere sweetie." Theresa held out her arms and the little boy jumped into them, wrapping his tiny arms around her neck. Reed looked forlorn suddenly and Theresa felt a pang of sorrow. "I'm taking him to Alex's, someone might see my car if I stay too long." She explained, stepping back toward the door. Reed nodded. "I'll be back later." Theresa promised, and she turned to the door.

Reed bounced his fingers against the metal table, listening to the satisfying thumps. Just before Theresa stepped out the door, Reed called out her name. She turned slowly, already knowing what he wanted.

"I need you to get me something." He told her. Before he could finish the request, Theresa interrupted.

"Reed, I don't think I can this time, its too dangerous with the Bait Shop and everything-" He cut her off.

"Just once, please Theresa, I need it." He begged. Theresa knew he would turn violent, threatening, in a few instants.

"Ok." She agreed, but she wasn't sure if she could do it with all the suspicion following the arson. He grinned again.

"Thanks."

"Yeah." She breathed, walking out into the bright sunshine with her little boy on her hip. Her heart felt heavier.

IOIOIOIOI

Alex was perched on the edge of her and Marissa's bed, phone pressed against her ear and barely dressed. Marissa sat behind her, listening to Alex's end of the conversation.

"Yeah. Well, thanks for calling. Yeah, I'll be ready." Alex shut the phone and fell backwards on the bed, barely missing Marissa's knees. "They think they know where he is." She said from beneath splayed hands covering her face. Marissa reached down and pried one hand off Alex's face and wrapped her own around it.

"Are you okay with that?" She asked, running her thumb over Alex's palm without noticing. Her voice was steady, but curious. Alex let her other hand drift down to her stomach and looked up to where Marissa watched her questioningly.

"I guess." She said, looking away. She pulled her hand back and rolled over onto her stomach. She smirked gently at Marissa. Marissa felt a slight blush creep up her cheeks and she leaned forward to capture Alex's lips with her own.

"Want me to make you forget?" Marissa asked into Alex's skin as her mouth trailed down the blonde's neck.

"Yeah." Alex breathed, moving forward and pushing Marissa onto her back. She knelt over her, emotions flooding her eyes and her face. Marissa stretched a hand up to run her thumb over Alex's eyebrow, where the slight scratch was still evident from her trip home.

"I love you." They weren't sure who had said it first, but it broke the heated silence gently, pressing the words between them.

"I love you." Alex mumbled again and leaned down, eyes closing, to kiss Marissa.


	28. the kind of day you ache to forget

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: the kind of day you ache to forget**

Alex woke up to a grey morning with Marissa's legs tangled around her own. Seagulls were outside chattering away and the ripped cloth she had tacked above the window was doing a good job of blocking the hot morning rays from her eyes. The clock blinked red numbers, 6:37, a little bit later then she usually woke up. She stretched and looked down at the gorgeous girl sleeping at her side. She was wrapped up in wrinkled white sheets and curled in a ball beside Alex. Alex smiled softly and turned to the edge of the bed, untangling her legs from the twisted bed covers.

Grabbing half-dirty clothes from the floor, she stumbled into them as she went into the kitchen. Moving quietly, she started to make coffee and heard footsteps following her in.

"Why so early?" Marissa, voice scratchy with sleep and wear, was leaning on the counter rubbing at her eyes. Her hair was a mess and she had a wrinkled sheet wrapped around her. Alex smiled affectionately.

"God back to bed, Riss. I've gotta meet with contractors today and then the whole...thing." She laid the coffee cup on the counter and walked over to the brunette. Cupping her cheek in her hand she kissed her jaw sweetly and smiled. "And you're definitely not a morning person."

"Gee, thanks." Marrisa said sarcastically, but a smirk made it's way onto her face. It was true. She hated mornings. "Call me."

"Of course." Marissa yawned her way back into their bedroom and Alex turned back to the coffee jar sitting on the counter.

IOIOI

Reed's hands were shaking. That was his first sign that things were going downhill and it wasn't possible to ignore. He sat on the dirty matress in a corner of the empty warehouse and watched his fingers dance in the dim, dirty light. He wanted a hit so bad it hurt, it made his stomach clench beneath his thin t-shirt. Carefully, he stood up, his hands still shivering. He shoved them in his pockets and headed toward the door. He looked sane, except for the flicker of madness in his eyes that the white powder always exploded. It grew and grew until it took over his mind, until all he thought and breathed and felt was that next hit. And he hadn't had one in days, his body was shaking for it.

He knew he wasn't supposed to go outside, but the monster, the roaring silence in his head that came from the coke, made him do it. He had to find Theresa and get his stuff. Had to. There wasn't a car in sight for him to steal, so he just started walking. He'd come along one soon enough. He felt out of his head, but he was lucid enough to duck when he saw a cop or someone with some authority. He made it out of the warehouse district and just kept walking. Pretty soon, he came upon an abandoned car on a half-empty street. It took him ten minutes to jack the battery wires up to the spark plugs to give them enough juice. It would run out on him pretty soon, and then probably blow up if he couldn't cool it down fast enough, but he didn't need to get far.

He just needed Theresa for his hit. He wiped his greasy hands on his already stained t-shirt and cranked the car. It made an ugly straining noise he had been expecting, but when he pushed down on the gas it moved a little. _Slow and steady_. He thought. _Does the job_.

IOIOI

Theresa bounced Cain on her hip as she walked down the street back to Alex's. Alex still didn't know about the little boy, but she was gonna show-and-tell today. It was still early morning, first light, but she was used to early mornings, as was Cain. She sung softly to him and tried to figure out how to get around bringing Reed his fix. She couldn't afford to, not with the police watching her all the time. She had escaped them the night before by sleeping in her car- it wasn't the first time -because she couldn't stand their ever present eyes, although she knew they kept her safe. They were parked in front of Alex's apartment and she only had a couple blocks to go. She could see the apartment from where she stood.

Shifting baby Cain on her hip, she adjusted her stride to walk quicker. The morning felt imposing, suddenly, dangerous. She kept singing, the grocieries on her arms, and regretted giving her mom the car back. She would have felt safer with it. One more block to go. She heard an engine behind her, but didn't turn around although her heart beat a little faster. It was clunking and chugging along and soudned broken. It came closer and closer until Theresa had to turn around to make sure it wasn't coming straight toward her.

Reed was in the driver's seat.

Her heart beat double-time and she started running. She heard the door open and knew he had ditched the car. She could hear his footsteps coming after her. He was all about the fix now, she hated when he got like this. She had to run, because he was a different man without his white powder. She dropped the groceries. Cain grabbed onto her neck. Three more buildings, god she hoped Alex was home. He was getting closer.

"Reed, stop!" She screamed at him. "Stop!"

"I'm not the one running away!" He called back, much too close to allow her any comfort. She moved faster, almost sprinting, Cain became so heavy. She held him closer.

"Cops! Alex! Alex!" She yelled, but his hand was gripping her arm, bruising. He yanked her, slamming her back into a car.

"You shouldn't have run." He said dangerously. Her eyes grew wide, Cain was cowering into her chest. He opened the back seat of an unfamilair car and shoved her inside. Her head hit the opposite door and she lay, dazed, for a few seconds. He slid into the driver's seat, cutting wires with a knife and stripping them. The engine roared to life. Theresa struggled to sit up, Cain huddled on the floor beside her. Across through street, through a heady daze, she saw Alex leave her apartment.

"Alex!!" She screamed, hoarse, scooping Cain into her arms. She banged on the window and the girl turned, confused. When she saw Theresa, clutching Cain to her chest, banging on the the window and near tears, the blond reacted with that fight instinct that had helped her so many times before. She jumped down her steps as the ignition turned. she was across the street when Reed peeled away from the curb and Theresa could see the fear and the hate in her eyes as she pounded on the window and Cain cried on the floor beside her. Alex was running, yelling but Theresa couldn't hear her. The cop car was starting, Reed was screaming at her, she was still pounding, and then a fist flew back at her face and everything went black.

IOIOI

Alex buried her head in her hands and sighed into them, trying to hold back tears that had been threatening all day. Marissa's hand was warm on the small of her back, but it wasn't enough. She was scared for Theresa and nothing could change that. Her elbows pressed into the hard counter she was leaning against and she stood back up. They had been at the police station all day, talking and waiting and worrying- it wasn't enough.

"Alex, maybe you should take a break. Get a nap or something." Marissa suggested. Alex met her eyes for a moment and then moved herself into the girl's arms. It was a quick descision that tightened the bond between them even closer. Marissa tucked the girl's head under her chin and held her close.

"Excuse me, ma'm. May I talk to Ms. Kelly, please?" A gruff looking police officer who was obviously hiding his discomfort at seeing the two girls so intimately close, interrupted their moment.

"Okay." Marissa agreed quietly, looking down to catch Alex's eyes. The blonde looked back, and Marissa could see slow healing.

"What's up?" Alex asked the guy.

"We've found the subject, miss, but I'm afraid there's bad news." Alex's heart stopped. How could he just walk up and say that like it was nothing, like she hadn't been praying for it all day? They found Reed? They fucking found Reed. She was going to kill him.

"What?" That was all she could manage. She knew she was a few shades of white.

"He's hiding in a warehouse with two hostages and refuses to leave." The man told her. Marissa'a hand gripped her elbow.

"Two hostages? Theresa and that boy?" Alex didn't know who the kid in the backseat was, but she was scared to find out.

"Yes, ma'm."

"Can I go down there?" Alex asked. The officer shot a wary look to Marissa.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Ms. Kelly." He said, eyeing them both.

"She can handle it." Marissa spoke up. Alex took a breath and pooled her strength.

"Maybe I can help." She told the man. He paused for another moment and then nodded.

"Fine. Follow me."


End file.
